ObsidianShiv

Auto-erotic asphyxiation but it's just me choking to death on lasagna

Kurt Cobain: *sings something in the way* rather than just moving it out of the way

The world: this man is a national treasure

Playing OG Diablo on an slick old pentium to forget the last 30 years lol

Hello my friend, stay a while and listen indeed

Finger your girl on the tilt-a-whirl and let the ride do the work for you.

It's okay to not be okay.

Just know that people don't like it when you do that, though.

Me: I hate it when people say "would of". How to you "of" something? Or, to "of" done something?

Wife: I'm about to of done that dick.

Me:...ok, that makes more sense

YES

Depression!

See, this is what i figured.

That sounds horrible

Im not brave enough to search "rule 34 kirby"

Fromunda

"Lego is a brand, and these are not 'Legos' because that would imply that you have multiple brands called 'Lego'. What you are referring to are Lego bricks."

Suck my cheesy hog. They're Legos.

Absolutely

Bonus alt text

He looked to see Becky and her dumbass light brown eyes glistening in the midday sun like caramel. Willy scoffed. "How the hell did you get here?" Becky swooned as she turned to face another dragon rider and his coal-black dragon. "Azmeth, he smells like fresh tanned leather and wet dreams." Azmeth inspected his dragon, his moody black hair and chiseled jawline gleamed in the sun as his black leathers became too warm to keep on. He took them off, revealing his offensive physique, negative body fat percentage, and hairlessness. "Am I still tripping, or did I just see shadow tentacles?" "Tripping? Willy, you didn't..." "Well, kind of accidentally ate some mushrooms growing on my coat. I didn't have time for breakfast, like I'd just starve?" "You're disgusting. I hope you always remember that." "You don't gotta tell me twice! Why are you even here?" Becky rolled her eyes. "Unfortunately, I know you much better than anyone should have to. So, Karron sent me to babysit you. He didn't think an ancient dragon would be enough." Willy pushed her aside and strode up to Azmeth. "You did your job, time to go home." Azmeth did a weirdly erotic hair flip in Willy's direction. "I'm here for the girl. If she dies, you will experience an eternity of my torment," he said as ahadow wings sprouted from his back. He squatted and pointed in uncertainty. "Look! Becky! Fartknuckle!" "God, you're an idiot," Becky said. "Better delts? Sorry, rider. I know you've been working hard on yours. Some people just don't have good delts," Farn'akul said. Willy leaned in and whispered to Farn'akul, "I just saw big ass black wings come out of Azmeth's back." "There is nothing there. You're still high." Willy turned from Azmeth. "Yeah, whatever. Why are we even here?"

I've written an 80k word sci-fantasy novel riddled with body horror, cosmic dread, trauma and pain.

Meanwhile, my new project:

That would be an honor, actually. Im jealous

RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH

for halloween im going to
dress up as a slutty..... slut

Some btch* stole** my peanut butter!

*I
**forgot to go buy more

Just bought my mom some Tylenol. Fuck the police

who up thinking [redacted]

Thinking about becoming a town crier. Can you imagine? I'm gonna just stand on a corner and yell stuff at passers by.

As he should 😌

scene outside my window:

tamales guy: "TAMALES!" "TAMALES!"

grouchy lady downstairs: "shut the fuck up!"

tamatles guy: "TAAAAAMAALLEEEESSSSS!!!!!"

Love you, steamy.

I’m on here two days out of every thirty or so now, so if you wanna complain about a lack of reposts, you can go fuck yourself, I’m mostly trying to stay alive at this point. But please enjoy my idiotic jokes at your leisure! 😂

That's a pretty fine line

Personally, I've never been a fan of theories named after soup.

I always thought it was seasoned toad sebum. Could be wrong.