Oonagh

Expiring today: Claim 30% off X Premium Unlock ad-free scrolling, higher visibility, monetization, SuperGrok, and 20 more exclusive benefits.

I 👏DON'T 👏 CARE 👏

Here’s a quick video of my EMU replica puppet in action!!

Beware, Phil. He may kill again.

The worst thing about m&s has always been a certain Type of other shopper. You're in a mid range chain department store, Susan, not an ambassadorial reception.

A screenshot of Rebel News dot com's website: "If you can help cover the legal bills (Tommy is pleading self-defence) please do. (Thanks.) DONATION 340 donors Goal: 1,000 donors

340 people have already donated to Tommy Robinson
He only got arrested yesterday

Brb off to st pancras to punch an old man

A man who looks like George W Bush, but with Donald Trump hair.

I've seen this film. Dubya and Trump accidentally went through the teleportation machine at the same time.

hey i just met you
and you’re a white whale
so here’s my number
and call me ishmail

Landlord: “What can I get you?”

Man: *stares at bear sitting at the bar wearing an ice cream cornet on his head* “Who’s that?”

Landlord: “That’s Ian. He’s the pub mascot. He is in honour of my favourite Arnold Schwarzenegger film”

Man: “Cone on the bar bear Ian?”

Landlord: “No, Predator”.

Does the word 'efficiency' really need both of those 'f's?

Dress label free & rose

I don’t agree with what they did but they make LOVELY clothes.

5ive, like a Byker Grove cloning experiment got out of hand. #totp

"This is Radio 4, and you're listening to the Moral Maze with me, Michael Buerk. Rabbi Lionel Blue, a quandary for you..."

Being accused of being tired when you are a little kid is worse than being accused of murder.

I've never been good with things like Binary, so I bought a book titled 'Binary 101' to try and get my head around it.

Absolutely useless. It was apparently the fifth book in the series.

Just watched What Lies Beneath with Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford. Totally guessed in the first 2 mins that they’re both mermaids x

I still can't get over how much hatred there is for trans people in the Labour party. How has it got this bad? It's not just the policies, it's the extreme dehumanisation and just utter disregard for us in any way at all.

Andy Byron may no longer be the CEO of Astronomer, but he'll forever be the CEO of Fuck Around and Find Out.

A packet of sliced ham which is a particular type of ham called Drury Lane Ham

what actors call that one legend who’s always overacting

Overheard in my living room: If you're wondering what stage of procrastination I'm at, it's brushing my hair the other way to see if I look like Cary Grant.

My small cat just came in, vomited up two slugs really violently and she's now asking to go back out. What, to eat more slugs? To fucking just eat more slugs!? Fuck you, Brian, no, you're in now.

The image shows the 17th century painting “Landscape with Windmills near Haarlem” by the Dutch painter Jacob van Ruisdael.

Disgusted to see this beautiful landscape ruined by wind turbines.

Me: The honours system is archaic and should be scrapped.
Also me: Make Sarina Wiegman the Queen.
#Lionesses

Listening to my nephew complain that they put too much truffle on his risotto in a restaurant recently, and I just sat there thinking “when I was your age, they had orange juice on the menu as a starter”.

they should teach jokewriting in school, because if people don’t learn how to write jokes they’ll be condemned to share screenshots from x: the everything app

It genuinely was a new ball, though. I think that's what did it. Still not seen it before.

New balls? #TheCricket

I spent years thinking I had tinnitus, but it turns out it was just a really persistent Florence and the Machine earworm.

my best guess would be those ones

Gaza is being deliberately starved to death in front of the whole world, and the only people being arrested over it are those who opposed the crime.

I saw a news item a decade ago where a guy demoed a "computer therapist" which, he explained, literally just reworded what you say back at you with added "it must be very hard". The people who used it said it was surprisingly useful.

I'm yet to see ChapGPT do anything more sophisticated than that.