Grumpy Dom

This ad was very targeted 😳

It’s science.

Today is the first day of the rest of your week.

True 💯

Kto Kounotoritoken GIF Alt: I’m too ambivalent to even include a your momma joke.

This is the amount of effort I’m putting into this place today.

Did you challenge her today?

Are your challenges serving a higher purpose?

Who is she becoming for you?

a man and a woman are standing next to each other and the words livbensondaily are on the bottom Alt: Resumes being accepted for an experienced ball scratcher. This position is paid in head pats and “good girls.” Must be able to get along with my professional cock slurpper. You know her better as your mom.

No, YOU’VE done nothing all day but scratch your balls and watch SVU.

a man driving a car with the words deck the halls with boughs of holly Alt: It’s funny because the lyric is “boughs” of holly and bough is a homonym of bow which is the front of a boat. The back of the boat is the stern. Honestly, you should have gotten it without me explaining it. Shame on you. (And your mom)

I’ll deck the halls with sterns of holly.

I don’t give a fuck.

I should drink more tea. Good suggestion—thanks!

a man in a white shirt and black shorts is walking in the snow Alt: No pants til January!

18F and these people are looking at me like I’m crazy for being out in a hoodie, pajama shorts and gliders.

I don’t accept crazy looks for dressing like this until it’s below zero.

That actually sounds like a good idea right now.

Advice followed!

Thank you!

Is it though? Is it ALWAYS wrong? Some people could really use a good stabbing. Just saying.

a woman wearing headphones and a headband is standing in front of a white tiled wall . Alt: Hellooooooo, Nurse!! Also: your mom keeps trying to take my temperature by putting her tongue in my butthole. I’m not amused.

I’m sick.

I’m extra grumpy about it.

I’m grumpy enough on my own. I don’t need a second helping.

Send help.

Results are in:

a person is eating sushi with chopsticks and the word sushi is on the plate Alt: Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to eat raw fish wrapped in other disgusting stuff like seaweed? I’m pretty sure the Japanese people are fucking with us. Sushi is a low key revenge plan for Hiroshima & Nagasaki—SERVED COLD!!

Amish Girls Trying Sushi For The First Time is my new favorite TikTok thing.

(Full disclosure: I have never tried sushi because I am not a crazy person and see no reason to eat raw fish)

Yo Ho Ho Ho

If someone tells you to go fuck yourself, maybe they just mean you should take a nice vacation in Dildo. 🤷🏽

a close up of a woman in a blue dress with a brooch on her chest . Alt: …your mom. (Cause she is such a floozy)

Sunday. My recliner. Leftover pizza. Game of Thrones.

And…

a dog is wrapped in a blanket and the caption says its nap time viralhog ALT: a dog is wrapped in a blanket and the caption says its nap time viralhog

Hurkle that Durkle!!

Relaxing after the party 🖤

I hope your Sgiving is full of Thank.

a man wearing glasses and a hawaiian shirt says `` see , nobody cares '' Alt: I’m lucky though because I know your mom cares. She says I’m the best and that I have a magical cock that squirts super yummy candy sauce that she just can’t get enough of (even if I end a sentence with a preposition) So there’s that. I have that going for me.

My engagement here is the exact same as it was in the other place.

0-2 likes per post.

Good morning! I've got sunshine! Hope everyone has a beautiful day! Remember, being weird is not a bad thing. It's excellent. Imagine how boring this world would be if everyone was the same?

I’m an old man who wants to plant his tree in your mom’s shade.

Rearrange her guts- check Make her walk funny tomorrow- check Shut her mind off- check Get a yummy sandwich made for me after I paint her insides white - check

Do you have pet insurance?

Cause I’m about to wreck your pussy.