terence wiggins

Identity Invalid: The Internal Violence Of Being An Outsider

I wrote about being black for Black History Month medium.com/@theblackner...

Godspeed You! Black Nerd I have been “The Black Nerd” since I was 19 years old. It was a name given to me by my friend Bob, from before we were friends, and I was…

Don't kill yourself
medium.com/@theblackner...

hi bluesky

I'm still alive and Samson is doing well

Hello all, I cannot apologize enough for my actions or thank anyone enough for their support. One of my anxiety habits is to try and fix any problem I have caused immediately. I cannot handle when I feel like someone is mad at or feel like someone hates me and when I've been off my anxiety medication, in the midst of drug withdrawal, everything is magnified to catatrosphic levels. None of this excuses my behavior towards Grace or anyone I interacted with. I felt scared and trapped inside my own skin and like my body was trying to grow out of it. I felt like I was both in control and out of control when I was clearly so out of control that I couldn't see it. It was gross behavior, I betrayed my own thoughts and morals and hurt someone that actually cared about me and someone I actually cared for. I have had a lot of incidents this year on this website with racism or a lot of people getting mad at me and it was all happening again but I couldn't take it because I was off my medication. T

I've written you all a letter.

Thank you for your time.

@alt-text.bsky.social

I have treated people awfully and I have lost a lot of people's trust.

My personal hangups and anxieties around women should have never been forced onto people who showed true sympathy and empathy towards me.

I have fucked up beyond measure.

My Discord is TheBlackNerd if anyone wants to discuss

Please read the whole thread.

Women and femmes are not my personal therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, comforter. They are their own people.

I was off my medication and was experiencing drug withdrawal in combination with my usual mental illness. But that is no excuse.

Please do not tag Grace in this. I have already deleted her number from my phone. I have already caused her enough pain.

I can only hope that I can regain anyone's trust in the future.

You can either choose to believe I'm being honest or not, but every everything I've said has been my honest experience, and again, it's no excuse for that kind of behavior.

I will be truly gone now. Please take care of yourselves.

I was not feeling myself. And that is no excuse. I felt trapped inside my own body and there was someone who there who treated me so genuinely kind that I didn't want to lose that.

I overstepped my boundaries and let my insecurities dictate my behavior. I lost respect. Apologies mean nothing.

Today is my birthday and I'm not asking for anything, I am definitely not asking for forgiveness. But I would like to explain my actions.

Again I am not asking for forgiveness but a little understanding.

Mental illness and insecurities are no excuse for abhorrent behavior. No one should ever have to be harassed or have their privacy invaded because of my feelings.

I am sorry to Grace for everything I have done.

I am sorry to all of you for having let you down.

Goodbye.

i'm logging off, i'm sorry

I never deserved anything you have done for me. You have been overwhelming kind to me. You have done everything for me and I fucked. You are a good person and you deserve people who treat you with respect and I have not done that.

I am genuinely sorry. I have nothing else to say.

Grace, I am so sorry, please.

You have been nothing but gracious and kind and I have been an awful, awful person. Please, I am so sorry.

I should never have put my feelings first because you're the one who is hurt.

I am genuinely sorry. I don't know what else to say. I've fucked up terribly

I have done something truly awful to someone I cared about and someone who cared about me. I can never do anything to make it up and I am going to log off.

I won't name her but she deserves much better than anything that I could ever have done.

I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused and goodbye.

There's nothing I can do to make up any of this to you. I didn't deserve your graciousness or kindness and I don't deserve you explaining anything to me.

I deserved to be aired out like this. I'm an awful person to have put you through this. You deserve much better. I'm sorry and goodbye.

No, I deserve this.

Grace I am so sorry for everything I've done to you. I don't know all of where I've posted anything private about us. I'm sorry for bringing any of this to you. I was having a panic attack when I kept texting you but that's no excuse. I am so sorry for everything

I will think about what I've done. I'm logging off now. I'm sorry if my behavior has been untoward or unseemly.

Apologies are useless but I'm sorry.

Understood. I will be logging off and thinking on anything I've done. I know apologies are useless but I'm sorry.

Understood.

I truly don't know what I did. I am being 100% genuine. If I said something I don't remember, I have been on new medication, that's no excuse but I will reflect on anything I've said to anyone.

Miriam, I am so sorry for anything I've done. I have not been myself recently and that's no excuse for any behavior I have displayed towards anyone.

I am sorry from the bottom of my heart to anyone I've hurt. I will be logging off now and I once again apologize to anyone and everyone.

I'm so sorry that any of my behavior has been unwanted or untoward, I am sorry to anyone that I've hurt.

I don't know what behavior I have exhibited that needs to be changed but what it is, I will change.

I am sorry to anyone for anything and everything that I've done.

I would sincerely like to understand what I have done to anyone.

I am open to listening. I just want to know.

they are replying to this saying I have done something and I am sincerely trying to find out what I did bsky.app/profile/theb...

I'm so sorry, please

anyone just tell me

If I have done anything please message me on Discord

I am TheBlackNerd on there too

I am so sorry for anything I have done and I am just trying to understand what I have done and to who

I just feel so bad that I could have done something to someone and not know what I did

I'm sorry I did that

it's weird because the replies don't show up in my notifications?? but people are very much saying I have done something and it would insane and rude to post screeenshots of that