Steven Myers

A ★★★★½ review of The Avengers (2012) My toxic crush on Ruffalo's Banner is much stronger than Hulk's smash. This aged tremendously well.

"Is everything a joke to you?"
"Funny things are."

A ★★★★ review of Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001) A tremendously artistic and layered debut from the director/writer/actor John Cameron Mitchell. I was lucky enough to catch a screening with my partner hosted by John himself, and although this isn't ...

"Don't you know me Kansas City? I'm the new Berlin Wall. Try and tear me down!"

A ★★★★★ review of Raising Arizona (1987) Man, my favorite Coen Brothers film ever is whichever one I watched most recently. Your turn, Raising Arizona.

"Son, you got a panty on your head."

A ★★★½ review of Final Destination Bloodlines (2025) Sure, I like to have fun when the movie does.

"Good luck."

A ★ review of Blood Theatre (1984) So long, hour and fifteen minutes.

"Oh my God! Who brought that chain saw to the prom?"

A ★★★½ review of Frankenhooker (1990) The third act goes full Cronenberg which saves John Water's Weird Science from its unlikable protagonist.

"But death by lawnmower is not the end of the strange twists in THIS case."

A ★★★★★ review of Predator: Killer of Killers (2025) If this ain't what 14 year-old me wanted when the Predator concept was originally introduced to me, I'd be a goddamn liar. Thanks for giving a damn, Dan Trachtenberg. A true understanding of what the ...

"Mommy, did you kill the monster?"

A ★★★★ review of Run Ronnie Run (2002) 🎶"Oh fat kid, what have you done?"🎶

"Mr. GoldBLOOM...What does Jeff Goldblum want?"

A ★★★ review of Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023) It's not hard to recall that in 2020, trailers released for Sonic the Hedgehog and the public uproar for how awful the titular character looked caused the studio to fix it. So why didn't the same happ...

"I feel like I'm hugging Godzilla."

A ★★★★ review of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) Of all the movies I managed to talk my 63 year-old culturally unaware dad into seeing when I was a teenager, this is Top 3 for me.

"WE LOVE THIS MONKEYYY! Do something."

A ★★★★ review of The Ninth Configuration (1980) I'm logging this days later and I'm still pondering its vibes. And the fact that Hershel from The Walking Dead is fucking Cutshaw.

"I think the end of the world just came for that bag of Fritos I had in my pants pocket."

A ★★★★½ review of The Wicker Man (1973) Vicker Man... VERSUS... Wicker Man... FIGHT! "Toasty!" Wicker Man... wins. FATALITY

"Do sit down, Sergeant. Shocks are so much better absorbed with the knees bent."

A ★★★★½ review of Sinners (2025) Never trust anyone good at Riverdance.

"See, white folks, they like the blues just fine. They just don't like the people who make it."

A ★★★ review of Predators (2010) I always want to like this more than I do. Predators starts strong but really suffers from over-exposition and Adrien Brody's desire to be in this movie.

"Now, let's find a way of this fucking planet."

I always forget it and get surprised every time.

A ★★★★ review of Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult (1994) Eh, third crime's a charm.

"Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes."

A ★★★★★ review of The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988) This is a Top 10 for me. Few films get right to the core and bring actual joy to my face as it unfolds. Its exhaustingly creative and original, and hey everybody it's Sarah Polley!

"Everyone who had a talent for it lived happily ever after."

A ★★★★★ review of The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie (2024) Not trying to get political, but I'm feeling like our country isn't entirely lost if Looney Tunes movies are always this good.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is for a male duck to lay eggs?!"

A ★★★ review of EuroTrip (2004) For every cringe-inducing attempt at humor in 2004's Eurotrip there's a charming element that kept us millennials humming "Scotty Doesn't Know" for the last 20 years. Rest in peace, Michelle Tractenbe...

"This isn't where I parked my car."

A ★½ review of Surviving Edged Weapons (1988) Never gonna be a fan of photos of real stabbings.

"In my mind, I'm never gonna die in no ghetto. Absolutely never."

A ★★★ review of The Lost Empire (1984) This is the only flavor of Le Croix I like. Also, a banger score?

"Ahhh blood, my favorite wine!"

A ★★★ review of Ticks (1993) I was waiting for the Megatick to do The Carlton Dance.

"People, please refrain from further stupidity. You're wasting my bullets."

40 year-old kid here informing you to go see The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie in theaters. Hand-drawn animation and absolute laughs from beginning to end.

A ★★★ review of The Monkey (2025) Current events are affecting my ability to enjoy this more. It's having a lot of fun, but it needs me to be in a better mood.

"Shit man. That sucks."

A ★★★★½ review of Darkman (1990) Darkman! (ah-ah-ahh) Director of Spider-Man! (ah-ah-ahh) A young Liam Neeson, Master of cackling, Pink elephants for everyone!

"Take the fucking elephant!"

A ★★★½ review of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) Minus twenty points from Gryffindor... for the haircuts.

"Oh my god! I've killed Harry Potter!"

A ★★★ review of Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) Top-shelf sleaze.

"If brains were birdshit you'd have a clean cage."

A ★ review of Big Shark (2023) "Quit occupying my brain!"

"Like they say, time is money, and I gotta go."