Joey Alison Sayers

congratulations to DONALD TRUMP for winning the Nobel Stupid Fucking Evil Dipshit He's The Absolute Worst And Can He Please Go Away Forever prize

I believe congratulations is in order! He did it!

Clippit

"This show is also very dark and depressing, about blowing shit up, and there are no women in it."

I know the world is a horrible place right now, but this weekend I had to listen to multiple men recommend the absolute worst-sounding movies and shows to me, so spare some kindness toward me.

Pretty clear Stephen Miller, Noem, Hegseth and Trump are trying to provoke a Civil War at this point. What's interesting is they want to do it now, because even though they're unpopular, they seem to believe this is the most popular they'll be ever again. We can't let them win.

Personally, I'm banning a whole new crop of books!

Computer programming historians have speculated that given enough time Basic could one day have been used for something cool.

You could do virtually anything with Basic. You could make text repeat straight down in a line or make it go diagonally. The world was your oyster!

10 PRINT "I am a BASIC bitch"
20 GOTO 10
RUN

Not really into pseudoscience. I'll stick with my magic branch that points at whatever my brain telegraphs it to find

Finally figured out why the first 24 letter-shaped sticks I found weren't pointing to anything useful!

Friday afternoon work doodle

I'm not saying this is a metaphor, but Mike is really hoping no one releases his sex app activity during the shotdown

Cupcake Shutdown

Rest assured that despite being offered millions of dollars I will not be performing at the comedy festival on Murder Island.

That's because I wasn't invited. And it's not a real place. And I'm secretly just an incorporeal LLM.

If the government doesn't show up within the first 15 minutes, the day is cancelled and you're allowed to go home.

Once this is all over we're gonna need a new flag. Here are 3 of my suggestions.

Drunky Hateswife

I'm fairly certain I'm mindful 24/7 and, frankly, it's agony

Seek mindfulness? I'm not even a fan of being aware. Or conscious.

It's a bit of a commitment, but this show really hits its stride around minute 685,000

The Litter Boxer

Monday Morning, 3 A.M.

Kind of!

Putting a sticker on a bear seems dangerous

A woman is on the phone. She says "Hello?" The voice on the phone says "hi. Don't freak out, but I'm you 1,000 years in the future."

The woman says "what??? I live to be over 1,000 years old? That's amazing!

A decomposing skeleton is buried underground. A phone is buried with them. The skeleton says "no. They found a way to return consciousness back to corpses. It's agony. Help."

(all 3 panels in one image)

Hello?

My car window sticker of Calvin peeing on RFK Jr seems to be having no effect on US politics whatsoever!!!

Kash Patel: "As you can see here, "I hate fascists" was scrawled on the dog shit I found on my lawn this morning. We are now looking for an Antifa dog and actually my pencil with dog shit on the end of it is unrelated."

Let's just say it's a good thing I can write a joke!

If trans women aren't women, then why do we have to be pretty and/or funny for society to notice us?