Refurbished Skeleton

We're getting closer

Excuse to post a classic?

Downgrading my Uber tip from 25% to 20% because they wasted time backing up over their hit & run to “finish them off” instead of just leaving them to bleed out

"the fae are open source" is an incredible premise for a fantasy novel that would appeal specifically to me.

Ogre

When I was watching XPlay, this Mountain Dew ad came on where this guy forcefemmes transgenderizes his homie.

ANUBIS: (presses button with paw) [guilty]
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good

My Daughter came home from the shopping mall. She was wearing a new shirt — one that said "Mean People Suck" in big bold letters. "Daughter," I said, " hold on a minute." She paused. I knew she didn't want to have this conversation. I said "Now, I know if that statement was about any other group, you'd think it was Prejudice. Can you explain why, in this case, you would think it's ok?" My Daughter got a sheepish look. "Mom," she said, can I borrow your gun?" "What for?," I asked. "Mom, please, it's important!" "Well," I said, "you may." And I handed the gun to her. Right then and there, she ripped the shirt off and emptied the clip into it. I gained a new Daughter that day. Stronger and wiser than the one I'd had before.

drawing of a vaguely Victorian woman holding a black thing of indeterminate nature

Miss Sandersham and Mr Fluffikins.

I Have No Mouth And I Must Call In Sick To Blowjob Factory

Mark Z. Danielewski's new novel of beautiful wonderful innocent pigs finding themselves in a labyrinthine pen whose dimensions violate euclidean physics. The pigs do not know fear and nothing happens to them :) More pen space for my great lovely pigs to roam :)

Three words to activate any 2010s Tumblr trans sleeper agent:

MONETIZE
YOUR
CAT

Keith, as your crisis PR consultant I advise you to keep. posting. that. shit.

one time when my dad and uncle were kids, they were complaining about my grandma's meatloaf and she responded by breaking every dish in the house

Biffo winces in pain as his perfectly rectangular teeth are unable to crack the whole walnuts he has stuffed into his mouth. BIFFO: Now some nuts for dessert. Bah! They're too tough to bite through!

Beano #1511, July 3, 1971

i am ALWAYS saying this

sounds like the mice aren't escaping samsara either

4 panel comic P1: YOU ARE doom guy. You stand in a corridor, all cold steel. Through windows, an obsidian landscape contrasts against a blood red sky. Ahead of you stands one of those fuckin imps. You have no guns, but this does not matter: you are Doom Guy. You reach out a grasping hand, ready to do what must be done. P2: You move rapidly toward the imp, now your other hand reaches into view. P3: YOU ARE DOOM GUY. You grasp the imp on either side of their head, their realization that the very depths of hell are as nothing compared to you is palpable on their face. P4: haha doom guy hugs impy-poo doom guy love imp haha

the ultimate weapon

sound on

Olivia Nuzzi got horny at the part of ET where he’s lying sick in the water

shot of Nuzzi piece about Giuliani

Really worried what bombshell Lizza will drop next:

Every disease getting stuck in a closet door after thet all try to go through at once.

I hope the many disastrous economic crises looming on the horizon all happen at once and this happens

Cate Blanchett shaking hands with the Pope

People say Cancel Culture is real and then you see Lydia Tár being invited to meet the Pope. 🙄

what if we all just jump to the end and commit mass suicide

buffwizardjocks Reblogged manygreetingsfriend pitbolshevik ... Follow ... every time i cant beat a level in a video game i think about the fucking does that seem fair to you tweet pitbolshevik ... Corey Brickley Illustration. J... 8/28/23 i had a dream that eminem put out a really long and involved rap about how Mario games (like in general) are too hard and he described a bunch of scenarios he'd encountered in the series and would say "Now Does That Sound Fair To You?" after each one 17 164 1.1K 39K 7.7K 12K

its charming to me that this tweet did so much better on tumblr than twitter, and i wasnt even trying to make a viral tweet i was just describing a dream i had just had

A digital drawing of one of those drawing tutorials that says 'don't do this, do this.' The drawing is of an almost naked middle-aged man doing a flying kick. The 'Don't do this' one has a bunch of areas circled and a cross under it. The 'Do this' one is exactly the same but without the circles and a tick instead of a cross. The text reads 'Needlessly adding red circles will ruin your art' and a smaller bit of text at the bottom reads 'Bonus tip! Add a tick under all your art so people think you did it right.'

#3157 A helpful tutorial

The Creature from Frankenstein by Guillermo del Toro. It shows the creature embracing himself into a warm hug. He wears a fluffy coat and it's shaped like a leaf, the one he gave to Elisabeth. He also has a small ember on his chest.

Floating leaf. Gracias @realgdt.bsky.social 🍁