TheSheepMafia

What a whimsical coincidence, that's exactly how I find out my stock market news!

Hahaha. Balloonplant. Classic.

Aww, it's our best friend Molly Tauve! I'm voting for her to be the mascot for the 2028 Olympics!

Anything over 50% cab is no longer a pickup truck, it's a raised El Camino.

Joyce Carol Oates @Joyce... 17h O So curious that such a wealthy man never posts anything that indicates that he enjoys or is even aware of what virtually everyone appreciates— scenes from nature, pet dog or cat, praise for a movie, music, a book (but doubt that he reads); pride in a friend's or relative's accomplishment; condolences for someone who has died; pleasure in sports, acclaim for a favorite team; references to history. In fact he seems totally uneducated, uncultured. The poorest persons on Twitter may have access to more beauty & meaning in life than the "most wealthy person in the world."

Elon Musk ' @elonmusk X.com Oates is a liar and delights in being mean. Not a good human.

lol she got his ass and he knows it

And now, with any luck, I get to disprove reason number three ("posting those will destroy my entire life somehow"). Fingers crossed!!

I've been hesitant to post makeup pictures on here, mostly because I'm scared. For six reasons but I'll share two here:

1) Toxic part of my growing up that still launches slurs at me the minute I touch a blending sponge.

2) Afraid of judgement, criticism, etc.

But uh. You know what? Fuck it.

A not insignificant portion of my brainpower this afternoon has been dedicated to trying to find a way to make "You and me baby ain't nothing but animorphs" but it deceptively doesn't actually fit. You think it shouldn't be a problem but "-morphs" just fucks everything up.

Oh god, the worst filter of all time.

Easy mistake to make but it's actually pronounced "coat."

Unless, of course, the information isn't actually useful in any meaningful way. In which case, you're just exploiting this case (again, involving the rape and exploitation of children) for profit.

Gross.

You have new information about a case involving the rape and exploitation of children, but you're gonna wait until Sunday. Huh. Neat.

I'm not gonna pretend to not understand ratings and the attention economy and all that. I get it. I just couldn't do that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

I'm not advocating for anything in any way. But I'm offering my humble opinion as an (extremely) amateur biologist: I think that the apes made an extremely logical decision based on their instinctual drive to survive and fight off prey.

Anyhow. Man that really sucks (/🧵)

I'm not saying that you have to be on Team Ape-tifa or something like that. You don't have to think any of it was good. But can you see how it happens? Could you hypothesize about the potential reasons why Fruit Pyramid ape met such a brutal end?

And you come back to a ghastly scene. Smashed fruit everywhere. Broken branches strewn about. Ape blood spilled over it all. But there's only a few bodies. Its just the Fruit Pyramid ape and his security apes.

Now, as a biologist. A researcher. A person of science. Do you get how this could happen?

So not only is he eating while ape after ape starves to death, but he's got so much food that he can give some to other apes in exchange for them guarding the insane amount of food he has.

That's crazy, right? That would be a crazy thing to see. So you decide to go home, come back the next day.

And now before you is an ape sitting on a pyramid of fruit. And you watch him. Other monkeys try to come by and take a piece, and he just hits them with a stick. Eventually the pyramid is so large that he's gotta hire security apes so can cover the whole thing.

It's just one ape sitting on a mountain of whatever the fuck it is apes eat. I think it's fruit. And you recall. Huh. You didn't really see any fruit hanging around the way you used to when you walked through this jungle. Didn't think of it before but huh. That's odd.

Now pretend you got a huge jungle, just stuffed full with tons of fucking apes. But strewn across the jungle floor is just an unimaginable number of ape corpses. You think, certainly someone was murdering apes. But you look further. No, it's not that.

And listen. Obviously everything I want to say here would get me banned, if not visited by some very fancy dressed folks with very scary badges. So I'll just tell you a thing I think about biology, about any species smart enough to live and work in groups. Let's just say apes.

Even if it was a good person, it wouldn't matter. If somehow Mr. Rogers was alive and we learned that in his spare time, all along, he's been a cancer researcher and good news, he just cured all of them, oh and also he teaches us faster than light travel, and the answer is still no!

It's just that much accumulation of wealth by one person. I am just honestly disgusted that we, as a species, allowed a single one of us to accumulate that much, to obtain that large of a piece of the pie, when so many people have nothing.

To be fair I battle with nausea pretty frequently because of my medications, so this isn't like impossibly crazy. But did anyone else have a visceral disgusted reaction to that news?

And listen, fuck Elon, he sucks, etc. All true. Also? I would also be this sick if it was literally anyone else too.

Fun story time! 🧵

My wife just told me about Elon's benefits package while we were in a waiting room. And I instantly got so nauseous that I couldn't really speak. She got called to the back and thank god because she didn't have to see me run outside and throw up in a bush. Not kidding at all.

Lol, I mean, right? Like, it seems impossible, but it's not like there's a morgue in every dogshit mall across America, so maybe?

Makes sense though. I guess if I went to a massage parlor and they told me it was $80 but there was a guy right next door telling me he'd do it for free if I buy $15 of his garbage from him, I think I could spot the red flag there.

Been thinking about getting my ears pierced, so look up a piercing shop near me. Zero idea what to expect. They tell me its $80 for the set.

My immediate first thought was "Oh so those free piercings at Claire's are like, crazy dangerous then, huh?"

(I was never actually angry, these things happen, but I do love a Ralph Wiggum gif❤️)

a cartoon of a man sitting on a couch with the words " i 'm happy and angry " below him ALT: a cartoon of a man sitting on a couch with the words " i 'm happy and angry " below him

Me upon hearing this news, knowing that my waking up this early was useless BUT it does mean that I don't have to drive anywhere right now and can go back to bed:

Fyi, this is just money laundering. Almost all art sales at that level are.