Mediocrates

Three French Bulldogs in hoodies, tags hanging out of the front, pose for the camera.

The Bestie Boys

Getting a forearm tattoo that says "Careful now" that I can look at when I'm trying to keep calm.

I am the fly, the fly is me

Announcement Family focus: Is My Kid Weird?

Incredible stuff happening in my child’s daycare app.

me, messaging my therapist: any cancellations today? I understand if not!

my therapist: Are you okay?

Quick reminder that if hating yourself actually changed who you are in the ways you want, it would’ve worked by now

vegeta is such a bastard…but he’s also really cool. this is basically dialectical materialism

If your therapist has this lamp in their office, they're absolutely going to find a way to tell you to Live Más

applying critical thinking skills, as a bit

Misunderstanding the question and explaining that while life is inherently meaningless we are free to construct our own purpose when someone asks what I'm going to be (for Halloween)

gloria estefan: the rhythm is gonna get you

gloria estefan’s younger brother: stop it

gloria estefan: the rhythm is gonna get you (makes scary face) TONIGHT

gloria estefan’s younger brother: MOMMMM

everyone in the office is unable to connect to the internet right now except me. unbelievable bullshit

Agreeing to be a professional reference for someone is a big commitment these days because not only do you have their livelihood in your hands but you also can’t completely ignore your unknown number calls for a few weeks and like man that’s a big ask

[pulled over]

DOG COP: you ran a gray light

DOG DRIVER: but it was still gray when i went through the intersection

DOG COP: no it was gray

This is exactly the kind of forward thinking we need right now, exquisite work

"Keep this thought handy when you feel a bit of rage coming on - it isn't manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real person doesn't give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance - unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength." Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, XI 11.18.5b

if water is so good for me then how can i choke on it? i’ve never been betrayed by diet coke going down the wrong pipe

Me: Do you think Mr. Potato Head’s wife knew he had no legs or was she surprised when he took his shoes off?

Therapist: [5 minutes into my session] I’m sorry, our time is up

My therapist: Let's do some 54321 grounding to help with stress. Can you name 5 things you can see!

Me: *Me looks around and notices at least five things that are happening right now*

Also me: *dissociates even harder*

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heading on the Wikipedia page about the Plagues of Egypt, titled "list of the disasters"

therapist: so, tell me a bit about what brings you here

me:

My therapist: Let's do some 54321 grounding to help with stress. Can you name 5 things you can see!

Me: *Me looks around and notices at least five things that are happening right now*

Also me: *dissociates even harder*

ME: if frankenstein is the name of the doctor not the monster then how is the bride of frankenstein the bride of the monster not the doctor

CHATGTP: *implodes*

The unprecedented times to dissociating into un-presentedness times pipeline

My most hilarious posts get the fewest likes, it’s science.

open.substack.com/pub/donaldro...

A haunted house but it's just you expecting an important call from an unknown number and so you have to answer every phone call you get from the numbers you don't recognize