Stop Domestic Violence

It is not selfish to prioritize your own needs and well-being.

when an abuser claims that the abuse that happened was too long ago to matter and refuses to take accountability--thats how you know they haven't changed. no amount of time undoes abuse, and someone who has genuinely changed would see that.

Abusers operate under a distinct set of rules that differ from yours, creating double standards. They manipulate and control you by placing themselves above the very rules they enforce on you.
#noexcuse #16days

At first, it felt like love—attention, concern, care.

But slowly, things started to change.

Your friends became “bad influences.” Your actions were always “wrong.” Your feelings didn’t matter.

If you have experienced economic abuse, you are not alone. We’ve gathered information on a range of organisations that can support you with everything from mental health to housing.

Find the support you need - survivingeconomicabuse.org/...

There are numerous misleading and inaccurate "facts" that many survivors believe as as true, and these beliefs often keep them trapped in unsafe, abusive relationships.
#16days

I don't want you comparing your trauma recovery to anyone else's-- including mine-- unless it's to adapt a tool they've used to your own needs.

The comparison game is an old Trauma Brain trap. It's recovery poison. Redirect your focus as many times as you need to to avoid it.

The secret to MY happy marriage:

1. Make sure your spouse knows every day how much you love, value and respect them

2. Don't do things that you would be ashamed to tell your spouse about

3. Be present for your spouse

4. Apologize when you do stupid things

5. Make them laugh when you can

Impostor syndrome: “I don't know what I'm doing. It's only a matter of time until everyone finds out."

Growth mindset: "I don't know what I'm doing yet. It's only a matter of time until I figure it out."

The highest form of self-confidence is believing in your ability to learn.

Yeah. It can feel like dire risks for trauma survivors to say "no" to people & situations we hate-- & "yes" to people & situations we're interested in. Regulating ourselves while we take those risks requires seriously intentional self-talk, mental focus, & use of our physiology.

Remember: the bullies' & abusers' voices that populate our emotional & behavioral "autopilot" want us to stay small & scared & stuck. If they want or don't want us to do a thing, it's a pretty good bet that the exact opposite of what they're urging is the actual path to freedom.

One phrase that is very triggering to abuse survivors is, “I would never have put up with that.”

It makes them feel they were weak for having endured it. It also implies they are partly to blame for ‘allowing’ themselves to be abused.

SafeLives 16 Days Post with text that reads "funding is not reflective of demand. There is too much reliance nationally on the goodwill of the sector to 'make it work'. This has an impact on both client and worker safety (practitioner response)".

💰 #DomesticAbuse funding continues to decline sharply whilst cases continue to rise.

📢 Longer-term funding would provide stability, positively impacting frontline staff and survivors on their journey to safety and recovery.

#16Days #NoExcuse #VAWG #InvestInIdvas #Idva #Idaa

They spread lies about the survivor with the aim of socially isolating them and eliminating any support the survivor has from friends and family. Often, the survivor is unaware of these lies. One such lie is the assertion that you cannot move on, a tactic used to depict the survivor as crazy
#16days

You are allowed to choose yourself over someone who makes you feel small.
You are allowed to prioritize your mental health.
You are allowed to leave a situation that hurts you, even if it means disappointing others.
you are worthy of a life filled with peace and respect.

I don't recommend thinking in terms of getting back to "who you were" before the trauma. I say think in terms of who you can be. A life & career & relationship that can realistically meet your needs & keep you interested-- now.

Don't look back. We're not going that way.

Toxic positivity gives me the absolute ick
It's okay to not feel positive about every single little thing in life. It's as bad as being constantly negative.
Like actual shit happens in life and it's okay to NOT look for a positive outlook every single time. It's fine to be sad or down or angry.

This entire thread is great and genuine (read up) but I want to highlight this—this is a fundamental of abuse and trauma recovery. You get your power back when you stop trying to satisfy people who don’t care about you. When you stop playing the game their way.

Normalize trusting your intuition. When your body says no to a situation, person, or place – trust it and leave immediately.

Abusers manipulate victims into believing that they’re responsible for the abuser's actions. But the abuser’s actions are always a conscious choice made by them. In a healthy relationship when one partner feels can compromise without resorting to actions that harm the other person.
#16days

It's not a coincidence that a big part of our trauma conditioning is devoted to keeping us unaware & afraid of our anger. If we're in touch w/ it, unafraid of it, & skilled at managing it, anger is an irreplaceable recovery tool-- one that "they" don't want us to have access to.

Image description: Image by Inclusive Therapists featuring a list of hotlines. More resources at InclusiveTherapists.com/Crisis Warm lines that DON'T call the police: Call Blackline 800-604-5841 Centers BI&POC, LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens *Note: they also have an app. Trans Lifeline US - 877-565-8860 Canada - 877-330-6366 Run by and for trans people *Note: there are hours restrictions. They are generally open Monday thru Friday, 1 PM – 9 PM Eastern. Also, they have Spanish language options. Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line 888-407-4515 Run by trained peer supporters *Note: they are open specific hours, too — 7pm to 9pm ET Monday through Thursday & 7pm-10pm ET Friday through Sunday. StrongHearts Native Helpline 844-762-8483 Centering Native Americans & Alaska Natives *Note: focused on domestic / intimate partner & sexual violence. You can also chat with them online or via text. Thrive Lifeline 313-662-8209 Trans-led and operated *Note: this is primarily a text line, but it is open 24/7 and focused on people from marginalized & forcibly oppressed communities (including disability & neurodivergence). LGBT National Help Center 888-843-4564 *Note: there are hours restrictions. They are generally open Mon-Fri 4 PM - Midnight/eastern time & Sat Noon - 5 PM/eastern time. They have specific lines for coming out (888-688-5428), youth (800-246-7743), and seniors (888-234-7243). Also, they have an online peer chat, which is open Mon-Fri 4 PM - Midnight/eastern time & Sat Noon - 5 PM/eastern time.

Reminder that some of the hotlines people are sharing for crisis conversations 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐬, regardless of what your wishes are.

These ones won't.

Add'l notes in the 🧵

Abuse or violence of any kind is never the victim's fault. Responsibility always lies with the perpetrator and with them alone.
#16days

Can Anything Persuade Abusive Men to Give Up Coercive Control?

Read my new Substack article dremmakatz.substack.com/p/abusive-me...

🧵

#domesticviolence #coercivecontrol

while a victim is never at fault for the abuse they suffer, building a healthy relationship with oneself is the most reliable way to protect yourself from future abuse

"Autistic people are more likely to experience abuse within a relationship than non-autistic people.

The guide, written by a team including academics and autistic advocates, is designed to help autistic people recognize the signs of abusive or unhealthy relationships."

Hi! Give us a follow, & we will follow you back!

#Portsmouth #Southampton #Hampshire #Stalking #DomesticAbuse #SexualAssaultServices

Coercive control binds you with psychological chains so slowly and insidiously that you don’t notice them being placed. You’re not imagining it, and it’s not your fault.

#CoerciveControl

People don’t often realize that abusers don’t always appear “mean” or “aggressive” at first.

They can be charming, thoughtful, even loving—until they’re not.

Don’t blame yourself for not seeing the warning signs.

If you're like 99% of trauma survivors, you've struggled w/ questions of "was it real?", "was it really that bad?", and/or "was it my fault?"

Trauma Brain uses those questions to invalidate our pain-- & try to convince us we don't "deserve" sympathy or support.

Don't bite.