Taking bets on Kalshi to see if my health insurance will deny my annual physical, get in while it's hot

Hey Alexa, call me the N word

Unsullied Army but they all get top surgery instead and have killer tits

Lacing my joint with Tylenol just to not feel something

We are Jimmy Kimmel ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

Pardoning a Convicted Sex Offender to own the Libs

Viking boat funeral but the archer keeps missing the boat with their fire arrows until it gets too far

They say you should wash your face before your ass to avoid making your face dirty, but how do I know my face isn't making my ass dirtier

I wish it was possible to smoke cigarettes with animals

Modern Twitter is what would happen if you let The New York Times curate the graffiti in a football stadium bathroom

Never losing my virginity again smh that was gross

Why does Will Smith look like he just joined a new cult

If you see me in public eating a bag of Pupperoni dog treats, mind your business

"Public education is useless because they only train people to get ready for the workforce" yeah bro let's just abolish public education so corporations can take over and do exactly that.

Jill Stein will show up.... Any day now...

She Wonka on my Willy till I Chocolate Factory

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dating some one toothless

No see The Golden Age or America isn't a utopia bro, we just have to sacrifice our individuality, economic safety, civil rights, and Constitutional protections in the short term to achieve this perfect but vague future in the long term!

Posting my own Social Security number on the Internet to own the Libs

Red Dye 40 melts steel beams

This wouldn't have happened if it was a White Hawk Helicopter

Bro you gotta put the Hims boner pill ad after the plane crash footage but before the concentration camp coverage or else they'll just click off

I hope the camp they send me to at least has a water slide

gotta let these guys work on the wage gap

promise me you won’t get mad ok, but we accidentally blew billions of your dollars on computer chips we didn’t need to make an inferior product that has been publicly embarrassed

"creepy" said the basement dweller while stalking someone on the Internet

Wait is that a news headline or a Holocaust memoir