how many word plays can you fit into a haiku?

Sunny side up high
Egg-cellent day breaks cage-free
Fowl play in the field

A pasta salesman approaches a pimp and offers to barter product for sex.
He says... Penne for your thots?

When someone says to me, "A penny for your thoughts?"
I ask for a quarter. It makes more cents.

January 8 is Elvis Presley's birthday, and I actually saw him in Home Depot today.
He returned a sander

Love triangles often turn into wrecked-angles

I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

A barn with only male sheep is ewes less.

forensics is ten

I mean it's mostly true.. your worth is directly proportional to what you fashion yourself into.. provided there is a market for that thing.

They misspelled investor class

Do australians refer to us as the land up over?

Somebody combined my laxative gummies with my weed gummies, now I have higharrhea

Dr Ronal Peak and Dr Ishmael Abu donated money to build a new intensive care unit at the hospital..

In their honor it will be named the Peak Abu ICU.

i gotta stop eating these thanksgiving leftovers..
but i just can't quit cold turkey.

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow;
Mary loves a curry, it's fleece is now a throw.

Mars candies has announced they will begin production on a new "alpha male" M&M.

These new M&Ms will be all white, extra bitter, have no nuts, and will instantly meltdown when mixed with other multi colored M&Ms

I just watched this guy fill his kayak with ice cream and root beer.

weird, but whatever floats his boat.

Bob is vacillating between 2 partners

One makes incredible waffles, the other writes beautiful poetry.

Should he marry for batter or verse?

a recent survey showed that people in texas prefer to have their pie served with a scoop of ice cream and tend to get perturbed if people forget to serve it that way

REMEMBER THE ALA MODE !!

Often I tell dad jokes
Sometimes he laughs

When does a bad joke become a dad joke?

When the punch line becomes apparent.

When it's full groan.