the apple guy™

Quote from the article Spencer linked to in the original tweet, with a section highlighted to emphasize how brutal it is towards Mike Lombardi. "“It’s the arrogance of it all,” a university source told The Athletic. “Because they had success in the NFL — [highlight starts here] and by they, I mean Belichick only [highlight ends here] — they (thought) they could come in and replicate that without knowing how college football works.”

fuckin zapped his ass

i have called a lot of athletes my beautiful infant son before but nobody and i mean nobody is my beautiful infant son in the way seth jarvis is my beautiful infant son

if donny hathaway covers your song that's not your song anymore. that's donny hathaway's song now.

is this why you refer to that cadre of bald men whose lifestyles you fund as your "coddled eggs"

"while you were winning the ACC, i studied the blade"

A copy of the book “One of the Boys” by Victoria Zeller, which I just finished reading.

proud to work for a public library that purchased this book on my behalf, and i can’t wait to see it circulate now that i’ve finished it. charming, affecting, honest-to-god funny, and easily the best depiction of group chats i’ve seen in a work of fiction. bravo @dirtbagqueer.rocks

"if i got an Old Wooden Chest Full Of Dubloons for the table would y'all eat some?"

getting a bunch of bald men to stand in ascending height order and having rax step on their heads to reach the top like q*bert >>>>>

the paper in question? Toilet.

GT fumble --> short drive capped by a pretty slick TD pass from salter

text message reading “on a completely different note here is my tottenham commentary from the weekend: i am literally never going to die”

text message reading: “talked to peter at trivia last night and we both agreed that we are impervious to guns and blades”

text message reading:”i am one of the lord’s favored soldiers and my body and soul are protected by the mandate of heaven in perpetuity”

text message reading: “waking up to djed first england call up, simons here we go, and mourinho sacked…. i am going to live to be 4000 years old”

here are four extremely normal and reasonable texts i’ve sent about tottenham hotspur football club this week

have genuinely used "billie jean red leather same color red lobster" as a calming mantra

she made *warren beatty* go home and be a family man, that's world historic levels of inevitable

same primal urge that led us to post song lyrics in the aol instant messenger away message

so it's like Heat Index for winning and losing. a Beat Index, if you will.

Good morning Sickos. Thought y'all might enjoy this. Happy Farmageddon to all who celebrate.

bsky.app/profile/wack...

A screenshot of a table containing the positions, names, schools, heights, weights, and academic year of the All-Heirloom team members listed earlier in this thread.

Here's the entire 2025 All-Heirloom Team in one extremely elegant screenshot. Congratulations to this year's honorees.

Kick Returner/All-Purpose: Parker Kingston (Junior, BYU)

Long Snapper: Deed Capper (Freshman, Wisconsin)

Punter: Easton Black (Junior, TCU)

Kicker: DC Pippin (Senior, Ball State)

Safety: Jordan Pride (Freshman, Texas A&M)

Safety: Red Morgan (Sophomore, Alabama)

Cornerback: Mister Clark (Sophomore, FIU)

Cornerback: Darrell Sweeting (Sophomore, Marshall)

Linebacker: Randon Fontenette (Junior, Vanderbilt)

Linebacker: Jewelous Walls (Freshman, UCLA)

Linebacker: Dillon Arkansas (Freshman, TCU)

Defensive Tackle: Delmar White (Freshman, Maryland)

Defensive Tackle: Gentle Hunt (Senior, Illinois)