Audrey Umber

Paul Knauls is such a gem.

I hate how many otherwise reasonable people I talk to, even people I love, just take it for granted that this is a rule meant to be broken. My cousin who is lovely in every other way complained to me about someone telling her to leash her (wildly unpredictable) dog and I’m just like 😬

Makes for prettier deviled eggs in the end!

A good part of being a parent is you can buy you and your kid a milkshake whenever you feel like it because you’re in charge.

This is what they gave us in our NICU care package seven years ago, and I’ve sworn by it ever since. I have a little travel size tube in every drawer in the house just in case.

Thanks for the thorough play by play. I love my senators, but I don’t want to fall into the trap of politician hero worship. Sounds like it was just about everything I’d hope it would be.

My Lyft driver is listening to Joe Rogan. Joe says Elon’s not a nazi, but I don’t know, you guys.

A cat sleeping face down on a throw pillow on a couch.

I love it when cats sleep with their little faces smushed into their beds.

The makeup on The Traitors confessionals this season is insane. So much powder they all look 2 dimensional.

Why does all the good stuff have to go away.

I just really miss the Panera death lemonade.

All my dreams came true tonight (I opened Hulu and they added 20 seasons of OG Law & Order)

I loved my whole life here and was never aware of the place until I moved in down the block. I think it’s crazy that it’s not a more well known Portland landmark. It’s wild to see!

We were across the street from the normal looking church part, so a few houses down from the retreat complex. I think you’re right about those other houses, though.

We used to live across the street from the church, and the vibes are incredibly weird year round, but they really make up for it at Christmastime.

I did get fenders finally, though, so that will help with the rain. Platform Converse seem to be shielding my feet from the worst of it.

I wore gloves, but I got weird circulation problems, so I can never tell if they’re making it better or worse.

Rode my e-bike six miles to the bar and then back home again in 37 degree weather. Trying to grow past being a fair weather biker.

I’m really getting into wearing a coat when it’s cold out. Real S tier winter activity. Turns out, you can just choose to be cozy.

Giving yourself the gift of saying yes to your kid is the absolute best part of being a parent.

I’ve never mourned a celebrity more than I mourned him. What a loss.

A closeup of a perfect sleepy cat face

My sweet Frieda, who I rescued off the mean streets of Milwaukie fourteen years ago, and I are pulling for you, Vincent 💕

My grandma’s favorite sandwich was liverwurst and raspberry jam, which I also enjoyed, until I was old enough for the ridicule of the rest of my family to really set in and take hold of my brain.

This is my perfect bar and perfect evening out

I’m seeing Evan Dando on Monday and now I am going to be hugely disappointed when I am unable to manifest this into reality.

I want in!

My five year old son is getting really into Pokémon, and outta the blue yesterday he says, “I knew about Mudkip before anyone told me about it. I just knew he existed already.” And I believe it. Someone else would have independently invented him by now if he didn’t already exist.

That’s just facts, though

Yeah I get that. My guy was full term, but we very suddenly needed a c section, and I never went into labor, and he was born Unexpectedly Too Small and Tired, so there’s a lot of things for me that never really followed the expected course.

Pregnancy is simply Too Weird.