pepppercorns

I need spanx but for my attitude really gotta shape that up when I’m out in public

Why don’t you just sit right there while I slip into something more comfortable (a coma)

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me, which will not happen for lots of reasons, but just a big fyi for you

petition for 2025: swearing really loudly and aggressively in your car actually actually does fix all my problems

hey I did that too this year. Nice.

Changing the subject by saying “I tigress” and biting anyone who corrects me

can we invent a body that doesn’t let the tote bag slide off the shoulder

i often write stoned notes app entries — tell me what “vampire valet” is hmmm

I’m almost 32, and I usually feel 28ish — but I’ve been blaming it on losing a few years to the pandemic.

They should do YouTube wrapped so everyone can see the embarrassing stuff we all couldn’t do without a video tutorial this year

this is hilarious have you ever thought of writing professionally

I don't mean to brag but l'm a bit of a triple threat: I can make it weird when I'm talking too much, I can make it weird when I'm not talking at all, and I can even make it weird when I'm talking the appropriate amount. Look out world.

A road sign that says DO NOT LET MOOSE

YOU FOOLS. YOU LET MOOSE.

*goes kicking and biting into that good night*

I think that’s good, though. If it were better I’d be worried about transparency. At least like this we KNOW when it’s AI. I do like to use it as a starting point at times, too, when I really don’t know what to write.

2. I hate 3 tbh it feels like a “gotcha! Made you look!”

The first few notes of Yeah are like sleeper agent trigger words that activate older millennials

GMail time zone option: (GMT+00:00) Troll Time

i may physically be in eastern time but mentally i'm in

Searching for a job is easy-- all it takes is thick skin, adaptability, and willingness to waste 70% of your time. Searching for a career, however, feels like playing 4D chess against an AI bot with the voice of your middle school enemy.

The past few years have been a lot of dead dove don’t eat and you know what? I’m read for some live doves please eat

I like how summer PJs are like big shirt no pants (cute) but winter PJs are LONG JOHNS and COLLEGE SWEATS and little shirt AND big shirt plus SWEATSHIRT (derogatory) and FOUR SOCKS!!!