Luke

a ricki lake screenshot of a very 90scoded man named mike. the lower third says he “WANTS TO TELL HISVALENTINE CRUSH SHE HAS "BODACIOUS BAZONGAS"

happy valentine’s day

What a tribute to an Italian legend

once i was watchin these two dumb dogs who freely roamed Oceanport NJ together as they sniffed circles around a trash can until one bumped it just enough for the lid to settle with a clang and INSTANTLY they're both SPRINTING down the road. anyway, i think that's kinda the government now

either he was already big into Doom or the first time he played it he turned into the sickos guy

Billion dollar shark tank idea: reverse CPAP mask that hooks up to a shop vac and just pulls everything out of your respiratory system when you're sick

pretty sure that's the entrance to The Zero

Hello Kitty designer steps down after 46 years Yuko Yamaguchi oversaw the feline character's rise to to global icon status.

final sentence had me actually laughing www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Me at 20: I’ll have it all figured out by the time I’m 40.

Me at 40: wtf do you mean they rearranged the grocery store

By the power invested in me, I hearby proclaim this woman, "White Woman of Next Month!"

(sorry, you cant have February.)

Not all heroes wear blue jeans

3yo in the backseat: I have a problem

Me: what problem are you having?

3yo (screaming): Don't talk to me!

Phrenology is deeply embedded in our culture. We consider blockheads as dumb and eggheads as smart. When a student is a dunce, we remedy the problem with a tapering cap.

Pam Bondi loves dogs. Always had them, one after another. She got involved with dog shelters and dog rescue, and once pulled off to the side of a busy road and got out of her car to chase down a stray. Another dog she helped was a Saint Bernard named Master Tank. She adopted him from a shelter after he was lost during Hurricane Katrina in 2005, not long after her own Saint Bernard had died. The story has been told but bears repeating. Master Tank belonged to Steve and Dorreen Couture and their grandson, who was 4, recovering from the murder-suicide of his parents and losing his dog during the storm. Bondi said the dog was a “walking skeleton” and “dying from heartworms” when she adopted him. The Coutures eventually tracked down Master Tank, but instead of giving him back, Bondi hired a lawyer, who accused the Coutures of abusing the dog, which Bondi had renamed Noah. “She lied,” Dorreen told a Palm Beach Post columnist years later. “My little grandson begged her to take the dog home, and she refused. She thought she would just wear us down. That we were unstable people and would just quit.” The case was settled out of court, with Bondi securing visitation rights, but she never did visit. She got another dog.

This is some genuinely psycho shit...

But enough about the freaking senate!!

reading the tl before bed

Picture of a physical desktop. There is a USB thumb drive on it labeled "3D Files" and immediately next to it, a cutout photocopy of the USB thumb drive labeled "2D files."

S/o to this joke I played on our lab tech in 2019

"let me tell you about a three-way spread you can always bet on: the father, the son and the h-"

*young me, developing a strong sense of justice*

This is gonna be great, what an asset, this will never drive me insane

going to therapy to manage my settings

is untold and completely unnecessary suffering also tax deductible?

Age verification? I still store mp3 files locally on my phone and use VLC as my main music player

always so funny to me when people are like “how am I supposed to explain Gay to my kids?” my kid asks me way harder shit all the time. “why did they build the road this way? why are some people bad?” I don’t know. please ask me about Gay

*hits blunt harder*
Baseball= turn based
Football = turn based
Soccer= real time
Hockey = real time
Basketball = real time

Drafts? No thanks, I like my posts like I like my beers: cheap, canned and likely to cause irreparable damage to my brain

Vienna Herzog

the pocket lint is kinda like when they put cotton into a tylenol bottle

Big Bad Wolf wants to acquire Second Little Pig

Helldivers adding millennials as the newest enemy faction

Happy National Pizza Day. Please use this map to help you navigate your day.