MattheooOooOooo Perren

It has annexing the Sudetenland vibes

2. I’ve just seen a werewolf’s buttocks. Must be full moon.

3. The invisible man asked me to come to his invisible darts match but I couldn’t see the point.

Some years ago I made up a bunch of Halloween jokes for my kids to use when out guising. They did not use them.

1. I’ve been washing the Mummy’s bandages for hours. I’ve just finished though so that’s a wrap.

Read that as “cut his throat”

The true horror of Halloween is your AI renderings of Halloween.

Please fuck off with them.

Thank you.

You mean he posted this on purpose?

I remember him. He was a dick.

[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS] 1 NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]: Hello there 2 [A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk]. DAD: Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids? 3 NT EMPLOYEE: Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail! 4 MUM: That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids? 5 NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]: Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot! 6 NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]: Listen - that's their call [Calls emanating from the landscape]: tut-tut woke-woke 7 NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]: They are extremely sensitive and fragile... But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery. 8 KIDS [pointing]: There they are! [Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure]. [Little people noises]: woke-woke tut-tut woke-woke 9 [Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]: Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house. [Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]: tut-tut woke-woke 10 MUM [pointing]: What's that one doing there? NT EMPLOYEE: Oh, that's so sweet… 11 [We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away]. NT EMPLOYEE: I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph… 12 [We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]: Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE? [ends]

If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...

I really hope so. I’m one of them!

Ah yes. WeTransfer, the company whose t&c state they own every document that uses their service.

Ouch. That stings.

Putting on stupidity like a nylon housecoat.

At least we can fit it all into one frame

It wouldn’t be the first time people have talked about ’king Andrew

We want the moon on a stick on the left don’t we?

Why can’t we initially be content with keeping the Nazis out of power?

Why do we have to be content with the nazis being in power just as long as it’s not those bastards who aren’t exactly as left as we’d like?

Fucking hell

That’s exactly what they want you to think etc etc

Is it a modern thing, this jumping into ignorance like it’s a swimming pool on a hot day?

Or, having to talk to people.

And how are their material needs being met now?

Are things better?

I love Stephen Collins but this classic English failure to understand that the rest of the UK is not the same as their bit.

Still happens

We’ve always done guising round our way (N. Edinburgh). You can take your trick and treat and ram it.

Deadline

Always preferred Hole to Nirvana

See also: gigs

She’s better than what you got. And you got what you got because folk didn’t vote.

It’s not exactly a win is it?

Or baseball.

No one cares about the Indianapolis Grifters vs the Medicine Hat Smears.

Wasp cheese

Half an owl

Tins of meh

Shoes made of gas

“Look guys! Money!”

If only there were some sort of shared database or some such, where you could look up this kind of thing.