Stefani Goerlich

Looking for an expert in the philosophy of robots to interview for an episode of Securing Sexuality. Is that you? Or someone you know? Reach out!
#robots #philosophy #digitalethics #cybersecurity #hackers

LeGuin wrote about the desire for 'unassailable safety' as one of the deep roots of evil, and I think about that a lot.

There's a direct line from "no kink at Pride" and "no sex in movies and books unless it Serves The Plot" to payment processors feeling completely empowered to censor art globally

Radish
Harvey

(These are the only two that feel right for you in my mind)

a group of people are playing a game of mahjong with dice . Alt: a group of people are playing a game of mahjong with dice .

Very niche question:

Who in the #infosec community 1) plays #mahjongg and 2) is gonna be at #Blackhat? I’d love to set up some cocktail bar pickup games while we’re in town.

Two humanoid androids embrace against a soft background of binary on the cover of a book titled Securing Sexuality: Emerging Issues at the Intersection of Intimacy and Technology.

Oh it’s happening!! And you can preorder it here:

www.routledge.com/Securing-Sex...

Securing Sexuality: the book. Tech drives how we meet, date, marry, raise kids. Attacks on it undermines our agency and privacy. This book, written with @stefanigoerlich.bsky.social, helps therapist, coaches, activists think like punk, act like a hacker, and take back control over our private lives.

Stefani Goerlich giving the closing keynote at #BSidesDetroit. “We’re confusing information sharing with intimacy and surveillance with love.”

Stefani in a pink sweater standing next to a graffitied wall. There is a quote that reads “Goerlich has emerged as an important voice in the field of sex therapy…a guide to help vanilla people and their kinky partners look across the divide with curiosity and empathy, to understand and affirm their own erotic selves, and to create bridges toward a mutually satisfying sex life.” By Caroline Maykut from the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

So incredibly honored and humbled by the kind words about my work. 🩷

🤌

a pixel art of a horse pulling a wagon Alt: a pixel art of a horse pulling a wagon

Ew.

We stopped to get a drink & use the bathrooms and now I feel like I’m going to die of dysentery

A counter sign at Steak n Shake guiding people through the process of linking their face to their bank account to pay for hamburgers.

Despite what my certificate from today says, I am *not* a cybersecurity expert. So you don’t HAVE to listen to me. But, c’mon guys… please don’t give your biometric data to effing Steak ‘n Shake. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Kink and consent: The new era of sex on screen At a time when sex-on-screen is dwindling, Halina Reijn’s erotic drama has revived audiences' desire for eroticism and kink-positive cinema.

I have both a pull-quote and the last word in this new article from EuroNews! Happy birthday to me!

www.euronews.com/culture/2025...

Guest Blog: THE “ROUGH SEX” DEFENSE: NEW DEVELOPMENTS FOR CONSENT AND THE LAW by Susan Wright, also posted on the KPACT Blog Content warning: this piece includes the mention of violence, sexual assault, and police misconduct. Until

One of the most important takeaways when I lecture (for attorneys or clinicians) on kink-affirming risk assessment: Consent is not a defense is many jurisdictions. BUT! The American Law Institute has proposed an “Explicit Prior Permission” change to the model penal code that would address that.

Someone once casually dropped “Abusers groom allies too” into a conversation and my entire worldview shifted in that instant.

Small framed sign that says “I didn’t realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo. Seems like a very low amount of rodeos”

You remind me of the sign that sits on my desk.

Spoken like an experienced D-type 😉

2 people are in the bedroom. One says “put this in FRONT of the bedroom door, so I remember to take it with me.” Where would you put the thing:

A ) Inside the bedroom, where you’d open the door to exit.

B ) Outside the bedroom in the hallway, where you’d see it once you’d opened the door to exit.

Join Midori for an exclusive Patreon dive into controversial A24 film, Babygirl, w/ forensic s*xologist & clinical social worker @stefanigoerlich.bsky.social

bit.ly/3BYA7N7

In my 1st PhD cognate class (a non-Social Work subject related to my research) & in the profs introduction she tells us that she got her degree in this field & after realizing that she wouldn't succeed in her 1st-choice major: Social Work.

...I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut this term. 🤐

At least 1 particularly stupid (although not actively harmful) scene is something the writer/director says happened to her IRL.

So I don’t think she’s actively harmful; but I do think she doesn’t know enough about BDSM to be writing this movie.

A consultant (cough, cough) would have helped.

All I want for Hanukkah- literally any Hanukkah- is a movie that shows healthy power exchange, lol.

For all its flaws? Secretary is still #1… and we can absolutely improve on that, classic as it is.

Keep in mind, this convo occurs well after they’ve gotten involved & after at least one scene where he ignores her repeating “I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!”

No model of checking in. No model of aftercare.

I seen apologists saying he was “helping her break free”

But that doesn’t fly in ethical kink.

There absolutely were abusive elements: emotional abuse (negging her), consent violations, boundary violations, at least 3 (attempted or successful) attempts to blackmail her.

It was appalling.

There are sooooo many things to hate. If I had to pick the biggest one it would be that their entire “negotiation” process was basically him saying “you’re going to do what I want or I’m going to report you to HR.”

Like, even for a movie about 2 newbies? It’s horrifically bad representation.

The movie poster for Babygirl which has been modified to say “I am a certified sex therapist who’s written 5 award winning books about BDSM/kink and mental health and I hated the film Babygirl”

AMA.

Me: I’m so sad we’re not going back to Israel next month for my birthday.

My Israeli friends: SURPRISE! We’re gonna be in Detroit next month, just in time for your birthday!

Me: 🥰

I’m surprised that anyone paying attention over the last year would disagree.

I’ll be curious to hear your thoughts. Some people are loving it.

Okay, I fulfilled my Jewish mitzvah of Chinese food and a movie for Christmas.

Unfortunately, we decided to see Babygirl.

Now? I have to do my duty as a Sex Therapist & BDSM/kink author to tell y’all that it’s just SO bad.

I hated it. HATED it.

Did we learn *nothing* from the 50 Shades fiasco?