speroplane

Whenever I see little rich kids driving around in golf carts I'm like 'Awww they're practicing classism"

My dog farted right as I was gonna take my last sip of coffee. I don't know why we let this man live in our house.

Bears, but they have wings and live in hives like hornets.

What if your teeth were usually flaccid and only got hard when you were hungry.

I wear my bass guitar really high since I'm old now and care about things like joint health. It works out pretty well other than it looks dorky and my tit sits perfectly in the upper carve-out like Lucy laying on Schroeder's piano.

I'm gonna start saying "I'm not a man, but I did play one on TV"

I think we all have our own idea of when look becomes stare, and the only way to know another person's tolerance is to 1) ask them or 2) stop when they look uncomfortable, which can be hard to tell

Someone smarter than me please solve this problem so I can resume shopping at plus-size stores.

The frustrating thing about doing stuff is the everything about it.

The idea of King's jesters is crazy. Kings were like, I need all y'all all to protect my ego by being subservient, sycophantic enablers or I'll have you killed. Except one dude. I need one dude to keep it real with me. Make him funny and honest. But not too funny or honest or I'll have him killed.

This is going to happen. Brian Finch and Eddie Morra from Limitless stemming the rose on NZT is the product of YOUR labor and if there's money to be made, you should be getting your cut.

Imagine you wrote fanfic online and one day you hear about a sequel or remake of one of the shows you watch. You end up watching it and there's a steamy love scene between two characters you shipped and they're saying almost word-for-word the stuff you wrote in your fic years ago.

I think I'm going to stop putting my artwork online to avoid it being gobbled up by generative AI, but I guess the bots can have this apple I tried to paint that looks like shiny hairless testicles.

Body language is unique to every individual, and it's impossible to read unless you have observed the person before. You can't read body language when you're seeing someone for the first time, and if you claim you can, I want to gently bop you with a newspaper because you think your hunch is fact.

The Devil may cry. He also may *not cry. We're trying to prepare you for as many scenarios as possible, so let's think of some ideas about what you'd do if The Devil does cry versus if he doesn't.

*demonic screeching sounds*

HE WAS IN THE DETAILS OH MY GOD WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THE DETAILS?

Do you think DT has ever touched a wheelbarrow?

If the Devestating Horror Machine gets so devastatingly horrible that you literally can't say, write, or complain enough about it, maybe it's time to kill the Devastating Horror Machine so we can start talking and writing about how great it is that the Devastating Horror Machine is finally dead.

Photograph of a pale pink bedsheet with a small white tag that reads "TOP OR BOTTOM" in black lettering.

Same.

Silverware manufacturers don't provide enough information for my obsessive brain. How wide are your spoons? How thick is the pommel? Will it hurt to scoop hard ice cream with it? How much space between the tines of your forks? Enough room for a cleaning tool to get in there? TELL ME #neurodivergent

I channeled my inner Bob Ross today. All of these trees are happy.

#digitalart #painting #procreate

Faces are hard

#art #digitalart #painting

@liv-it-up.bsky.social got my my first ever bouquet of flowers 💚💚💚 Crying happened 😭

Being autistic really sucks when all of your safe foods are unhealthy, prohibitively expensive, or both. I just want to eat spicy dill pickle almonds until I die IS THAT SO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK FOR

I'm always getting drawn in by mobile gameplay ads, but I scroll away in disgust and vow to boycott them forever as soon as they start playing like a concussed donkey, which is every time.

Years ago I was with someone who stopped being intimate with me because they could "feel my fat on them" and now I'm with someone who gets cartoon heart eyes when they see my tummy poking out of a too-small shirt. It gets better sometimes 💚

The companies who make cheap oyster crackers are like "hope you plan to eat 2 pounds of these in one sitting because they get stale practically before you open them and we put them in this aggressively non-resealable bag"

A digital painting of a capital letter E against a white background. The E has a multicolored glitch effect.

A beach painting with sand, waves, and a large capital letter E underneath the water and slightly poking out into the sand.

A painting of a stylized lowercase E and two mirrored women's torsos against a purple curtained background. The letter E and the Torsos are painted to look like neon signage.

I have a vocal stim where I go "Eeee" at various volumes so I started making E art.

#art #digitalart #painting #procreate #E

Being shaped like Winnie the Pooh with bigger tits is actually pretty dope you should try it 🥰

If you still identify with your Hogwarts house, I hope your bluetooth doesn't connect.

Being a puppy mom is so hectic. I wish it were a child, because then I could just neglect his emotional and physical needs. My parents trained me well, it would be so easy.

@liv-it-up.bsky.social took me to get my first manicure yesterday 🥰😍💚 typing is hard 😅