totalrake

Caustic Refractions Reflections on gay pool parties, self-consciousness, and a sense of belonging.

excerpt from my essay "caustic refractions," on gay pool parties, self-image and finding a sense of belonging open.substack.com/pub/epistemi...

it's officially summertime!

just read your responses and tysm for your kind words. and i feel you, it's hard out there. i struggle with trying not to attach my worth to how the job market treats me, but I'm working on it. godspeed to us.

no more magical thinking not even Job got a clear answer.

open.substack.com/pub/epistemi...

I'm done suffering. no more magical thinking. the worst happened (i failed the bar exam) and I'm still alive.

wrote this essay about a season of trials, lamentation and radical acceptance as my only salvation. here's my modern-day book of job, JD edition:

my pleasure!! 😌

it's hard being both a fuccboi and bf material but someone has to do it

skill issue

i feel like the more thoughts i have, the less precious they seem. i used to hate when ideas escaped me, but i always get more anyway

lady gaga choreo is tailor made for gay boys idk how else to put it

the way I'm meeting benevolent attorneys getting work tapping into my network (yapping on linkedin)

sometimes i just think soothing things like jesus starved for 40 days in the wilderness before he even started his ministry....

one of my favorite words 😌

"it's not gay if you're topping" yeah that's what that bottom said to get you naked and you believed the jezebel...

there's much to hate & too many people to hate in the world— that's why I'm selective about my energy. even my hate is sacred. not everyone deserves to be the object of my derision

as a blasian, i'm so glad I'm exempt from swirling discourse. both sides contradict each other so I'm free to choose whomever i desire 🥰

jewish ppl had such good PR when ppl didn't know what Zionism meant

disappointed dadcore

men are only valuable if they're spitting out money, women if they're spitting out children— and the gag is that it's getting real hard to do either in the society that values us only for those things

ngl this is an interesting concept though— wanting to like men but in a mlm way, not in a straight way 😭😭😭 i support u diva

me coming out as bi after getting my dick wet in vagina

we HAVE to set romance novels in the regency era bc an internet age romance would sound like "babe I PROMISE I'm not horny. it's just a euphoria boner. my body doesn't know what to do with all the happiness— i can't help but wag my tail at the sight of you... 😈"

how i imagine it feels being a yt gay who owns a tesla

time to stop trying to look like a bisexual dj and step into my destiny as a sexy attorney

productive member of society cosplay

it's like being an uncle tom but for gays, a tragedy

masc 4 masc shows me you don't know how to have fun outside the shackles of masculinity— how u a f4g and can't queen out?? 😭😭😭 sad honestly

the way I'm such a catch to gays but get no motion from women on dating apps needs to be studied... is god telling me to stick to bussy?

anxiety, depression, insecurity and existential crises afflict us all. it's no excuse to give into unbridled vanity, apathy and consumerism in the name of self-care

i don't watch cable news, i get my news straight from the source (gen xers ig stories)