HigherEd_ITGuy

This is so wrong.
*Funny*, but wrong.
And if you don't get this, I'm not sure that we can be friends.

a bald man with a mustache wearing a suit and tie is making a funny face . ALT: a bald man with a mustache wearing a suit and tie is making a funny face .

Budget Director: We cannot purchase the external hard drive you asked for. Your request form from July 1st said the price was $119.99 and the actual price today is $121.99. Please submit a new request form with the correct price.
Actual Me:

a man with a beard and a chain around his neck says " are you serious " ALT: a man with a beard and a chain around his neck says " are you serious "

We posted a position last Sept. I purchased new equipment in Oct. They finally hired someone, who starts on Monday.
Business Manager today: OMG, what are we going to do about a computer? Can you get one ordered ASAP?
Me: Uh, it's been here and set up since Nov.
Also me:

There may, or may not, be some truth to this video:
A Day in the Life of an IT Tech
(be sure to unmute quickly):
www.instagram.com/reel/DLDQx-v...

Dell Thunderbolt dock sitting on a desk. Behind it, at the back of the desk, the power cord is clearly unplugged and about to fall off the desk.

From the "You can't make this stuff up" file.

AssProf email: This box quit working. It won't charge my laptop or display anything on the monitors. Can you order a new one ASAP?
Me: No, the power cord just isn't plugged in. I can see it is about to fall off the back of your desk.

a close up of a man 's face with the words wow i think you should lead with that next time below it ALT: a close up of a man 's face with the words wow i think you should lead with that next time below it

I can't make this stuff up.
Dean's AdminAss: I can't log into the PC in the conference room.
"What's it doing?"
AA: Nothing. I can't log in.
"After you type your ID and password, what happens?"
AA: I can't type anything.
"I'm confused."
AA: There's no keyboard.
Literal me:

a man in a red plaid shirt says why are you ignoring me ALT: a man in a red plaid shirt says why are you ignoring me

Email sent from Ass Dean's univ email: There are many scams going around & I want you to know that I will *NEVER* use a random account to send email, only the official univ email address
Also Ass Dean: Why didn't you respond to the email that I sent from one of my 4 personal email accounts?

an advertisement for netflix shows a girl talking to a man and woman ALT: an advertisement for netflix shows a girl talking to a man and woman

Call from Ass Dean: My mouse isn't working. I need you to come fix it right now!
<I go to the office & take a look>
Me: Wait. This keyboard and mouse combo are 2 different brands. Where's the Microsoft mouse that goes with the keyboard?
AD: Oops. At home. Also:

a cat is playing with a toy on top of a table . ALT: a cat is playing with a toy on top of a table .

Me trying to keep up all of my users' systems "compliant" with all of the changes Central IT is making in the name of "improving security":

a man wearing a black headband is sitting at a desk with the hashtag #chicagofire ALT: a man wearing a black headband is sitting at a desk with the hashtag #chicagofire

AssProf: Before I retire next month, I want to back up all my files. What special equipment do I need?
"Just get an external hard drive. Plug it in and copy your files and folders over to it."
AP: Oh. Can you help me do that?
What I said out loud: "Help you copy files?"
What my face said:

a man with a neck brace is talking into a microphone and says i 'm not great ALT: a man with a neck brace is talking into a microphone and says i 'm not great

Me watching my 401K and retirement accounts over the last 6-8 weeks.

a woman says i knew i was forgetting something in front of a window . ALT: a woman says i knew i was forgetting something in front of a window .

AssProf: I can't get anything to come up on my monitors. Moving the mouse and pressing keys on the keyboard don't do anything. Can you come look at what's going on?
<I go to the office> Uh, where is your laptop? It should be connected to the dock.
AP has wide-eyed look and then:

a woman holding a graduation cap looks at her phone ALT: a woman holding a graduation cap looks at her phone

If you're trying to track down the Ass Dean this time of year, you can usually find them on the quad in the late afternoon "accidentally" photo-bombing the pictures this spring's graduates are taking for their graduation announcements.

So simple, yet so brilliant.

It's annual performance evaluation time again, and
the Dean & Ass Dean say that we have to list our goals for the next year. So, this year mine will be:
1. Don't get fired
2. Win the lottery
3. Quit

a man in a suit and tie is sitting in the back seat of a car smiling . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is sitting in the back seat of a car smiling .

We're replacing your department's network printer. It will require new software & it uses a different IP address. You must be in the building when it's replaced so that I can connect you to it, however I can't tell you when that's going to happen per the Ass Dean.

a man says " you know somehow i told you so just doesn t quite say it " ALT: a man says " you know somehow i told you so just doesn t quite say it "

AssDean sends email announcing the launch of a new thing called "abc".
Me: We've actually had a thing called "abc" for about 15 years now. Maybe you should call your new thing "xyz" to avoid confusion?
AD: It'll be OK - there won't any be confusion.
<mass confusion breaks out>
Me:

He-who-shall-not-be-named broke X/Twitter:

a man holding a cell phone with the words " can 't hear you " below him ALT: a man holding a cell phone with the words " can 't hear you " below him

Staff: Wait! We have dozens of Google Docs/Forms that we use and we need the data in those!
Central IT:

a man in a baseball cap is talking to another man in a sweater . ALT: a man in a baseball cap is talking to another man in a sweater .

Faculty: But we've got researchers at other unis sharing data on our Google Drive!
Central IT:

a netflix ad shows two older men talking and one says it 'll be fine ALT: a netflix ad shows two older men talking and one says it 'll be fine

Central IT: On June 30, we will be shutting down all uni Google accounts and we'll be consolidating to the Microsoft platform for everything.
Everyone: But MS doesn't have the same features or functionality as Google!
Central IT:

a woman in a blue jacket says " english please " in white letters ALT: a woman in a blue jacket says " english please " in white letters

Real convo with AssDean:

AD: How do I get my laptop connected to the large TV in the conference room?
Me: Connect the HDMI cable to your laptop and use the TV remote to change the input from HDMI1 to HDMI2
Actual response from AD:

a man is talking to another man in front of a colorful wall . ALT: a man is talking to another man in front of a colorful wall .

Same, but yesterday. "We attempted delivery, but business was closed."
No, you assumed that a university was closed for a federal holiday, but we were sitting here waiting on $6,000 worth of laptops.

a man in a suit and tie is standing in a field of flowers . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is standing in a field of flowers .

AssProf yesterday: Can I come see you in your office at 1pm tomorrow to show you a problem with my laptop?
"Sure, that's fine"
Me at 3:30pm:

a man in a kitchen with the words you got jokes huh ALT: a man in a kitchen with the words you got jokes huh

AssProf 2 months ago: I need a laptop for a grant I just got.
"OK, here's the price"
AP: OK, I'll get back to you with the acct # by the end of the week.
3 weeks later: "I still need that acct #"
AP: I'll get it to you soon
<crickets since then>
AP today: Is that laptop here?
Me:

Endowed Prof: My research lab moved and now the computers won't turn on. Can you fix them?
Me 5 seconds in the lab: Well, you plugged all of the power cables into a surge protector, but didn't plug the surge protector into the electrical outlet.
EP:

mr bean is wearing a suit and tie and is making a funny face . ALT: mr bean is wearing a suit and tie and is making a funny face .

Asked Admin Ass to order some keyboards, mice, and webcams for a remote office - and to send them directly to the remote office. Why then did the delivery just arrive at *my* office?!
Literal me:

PSA - If you see "Invalid handle" by your name, follow the instructions below to fix it.

a bunch of chocolate chip cookies on a cooling rack with the word delish below them ALT: a bunch of chocolate chip cookies on a cooling rack with the word delish below them

It could be worse. They could be baking chocolate chip cookies.

But the big question is: Man United or Man City?
Choose your answer wisely as it may haunt your time here.
😂😂

a woman says " why does everything have to be so complicated " on netflix ALT: a woman says " why does everything have to be so complicated " on netflix

AssProf: The clicker (thing that advances PPT slides) isn't working. Do you have more batteries?
"I have to ask: is turned on?"
AP: Yes. See-the pointer works.
<takes clicker & looks it over>
"Did you put this (USB receiver) in the laptop?"
AP: Wait. What?
Also AP: