KimberleyAmelia

This only works as a joke if you know I got hit by a car though so I guess my material needs some work. I told you the punchline without the buildup.

You want jokes? I've got jokes.

I know they say women become invisible after the age of 40 but I didn't realise cars would just start driving into you.

I should have been a stand-up comedian

If you really think about it, history is just a really slow game of whack-a-mole but with dictators

I didn't get out of bed til after 1 today but I have managed to watch all of Frozen 1 since so who says late risers can't be as productive as early risers

There is no algorithm! You just follow people you like and then actually see their posts in your feed in chronological order. It's revolutionary!

I HAVE BEEN PUNISHED FOR MY CRIMES (had a lie in cos I'm off sick so the dog got overexcited when I said we were getting up and accidentally headbutted me in the eye)

I'm as hot as a climate change induced British summers day (I have a low grade fever)

My favourite thing about a new social media platform is having absolutely no bloody idea of how it works. Hey 👋🏻 I don't know what I'm doing or how to find friends. I mean here, but also generally in life too...

Guess I'm on here now then