one sick puppy

i can’t kms so im going to relapse instead ^_^

i should be on sui watch rn lowkey but it’s fine

not exactly a punishment bc i love fruit but also my tummy hurts now

ate a wild amount of fruit to punish myself for even considering eating other sources of carbs ^_^

i bought tickets to a show tonight buti forgot that i live under the threat of pain 24/7 and that i can never have nice things bc of it :)

i had amazing sleep and was horny 24/7 when i was starving … built different i guess

*coping not coming lol

my humble opinion but spending a lot of your time socializing and engaging with your ed online in unmoderated spaces is a major sign that your mental health is declining. i mean that for everyone. spaces like these are coming mechanisms but not good or safe ones.

insane to me every time i see someone on self harm or edtwt/sky who’s actively parenting children 🤕

america is such a sad place fr

my friends were getting rid of stuff and my other friend picked up their salad spinner and said “[name] you look like you eat vegetables. do you want this?” 😭

honestly wild that even in my darkest moments around her i’ve always prioritized my mom’s comfort and worked hard to manage my own emotions and she’s never done that once for me ever

(i’m literally eating in an intentional surplus to gain muscle)

totally normal guy who has a panic attack about almond milk and sugar in tea (it’s 80 calories) (i weighed it out)

i feel so dumb making my silly little crochet pieces for my silly little art market knowing full well the current price of eggs

that might change because there’s something incredibly triggering about making all of that info semi public knowledge 🤤

i decided i don’t need to upkeep an accountability thread on here when i already track my intake, steps workouts and meals across 3 other apps and two journals 🤕

if i have any dating advice for young queer people it’s that if they have a giant pile of dirty dishes in their sink when you go to their place you need to run away really fast

(not @ anyone here just reminiscing on all the people that have made me do hours of uncompensated labor so that they didn’t have to do hard work to make their own lives better)

this is probably just me being burnt out from being forced into a caregiver role in all of my relationships all my life but i actually don’t care anymore that your stepdad beat you for not doing chores and now youre stuck in a freeze response and can’t wash the dishes. go to therapy

soo attainable haha kms

ok i literally just said i try not to use women as spo but i think. this is the goal.

it’s so triggering for me on so many levels. i’ve started bringing safe foods and snacks and i feel like the most ungrateful fatphobic craziest bitch on the planet. im not but i feel so guilty about it

i feel so bad saying this but all of my besties have pantries and fridges literally stocked full to the brim entirely of junk food (incl shit lost in the back from 2018 rotting as we speak) and its a huge struggle for me to go hang out at their places 😿🫠

eating 1-2c brown rice a day does amazing things to my ability to regularly shit big fat shits and i highly recommend it if you struggle with getting blocked up. for some that will mean upping your intake (it’s about 218-250 cal/cup) but its 100% worth it

the dumbest yet most effective harm reduction ive done re: my ed has been to only look at spo that has other men in it

im always going to be so angry and disappointed at myself that i didn’t develop ana in high school… my ana mind is very high powered high achieving grades high bmi low and i feel like i would be in a better place in my life if i had that energy going in to college 😒

even at my low weight i had a really soft belly and im starting to wonder if its more loose skin than fat… either way i will kms

noo im sorry 😞

literally going insane frothing at the mouth tearing my hair out etc. also brown rice