The Ol' Alexmeister

a woman is looking at a chalkboard with mathematical equations on it . ALT: a woman is looking at a chalkboard with mathematical equations on it .

Me when hearing Deadeye Dick's New Age Girl in fifth grade when they say that she doesn't eat meat but sure likes the bone (she's a vegetarian!)

How old were you when you first learned that not all adults were smarter than children?

Mystery subway day in NYC. Will this train take me to West 4th? Will it take me to Narnia? Will it just remain here forever and become an interactive museum exhibit? No one knows the answers.

i want to write a show where there is this following exchange:

Person picks up castanets, talking to a second person

"Ah yes, the castanets. An instrument any child can play"

"but"

/ guy clicks castanets together exotically

"only but a few can master"

that's all i got. suggestions welcome

Even the subway will be like "Oh yeah you just take the G to Hoyt-Schermelation. Schermelation? That doesn't sound right. Hoyt something. Hoyt Shermaphone. Shermaniston? Fuck it. Hoyt something" with Hoyt Schermerhorn

I dunno man, I died? It was a semi truck

Hey fellow idiots do any of you find yourself carrying your winter gloves instead of wearing them? If so what's going on there

If I haven't seen the first Paul Blart will I be confused if I watch Paul Blart 2

Getting murdered can't be as terrifying as that half second before you fall over backward in your chair because you were leaning too far back.

Just awoke from a dream where I faked having a bachelor of library sciences from tulane university AND got away with it!

I swear some bodegas put extra mayo outta spite on your sandwich when you have the audacity to ask for none

At a dive bar in Williamsburg. Can't tell if I'm here on Fancy Coat Night or if the floor for dive bar fashion has been raised.

Is egg drop soup something I should look up how it's made or is blissful ignorance the play here

Me after describing the upper peninsula of Michigan to some NYC friends and hearing them say "ah, since it's called the UP, surely the lower peninsula is called the LP, right?"

Man. Remember being a kid taking a bath and scootching back and forth in the tub to create tidal waves? Good times.

I'm sorry mom and dad.

It is, but I like it. Anytime we can hang on to our inner child in a socially acceptable way I think we should take advantage

:(

The ego, the superego, and this

The way my brain last night gave me a highly realistic dream about me getting arrested for a DUI and then afterwards gave me a dream about making out with my crush as if was shrugging its shoulders and saying "sorry"

I did not see the hola darling bit of the GIF until after posting but I think it adds a bit of je ne sais quoi to it honestly

a cartoon of grinch saying hola darlin ' ALT: a cartoon of grinch saying hola darlin '

Everton being dirty little time- wasting boys trying to hold on to this 0-0 result against Aresnal (I fully endorse this approach)

Dropped like thirty-five cents worth change at the bodega. Nightmare scenario. Do I just leave it and look like an insane person or do I get down on the dirty ground and scoop up not even a half dollar like I was sick with the black plague in 1348

YouTube video by Generation X Video Archive Mentos Commercial: Paint Suit

My dream acting role is the playing the guy who observes the clever Mentos person and validates their Mentos experience

Waiting on line for anything in NYC is crazy, especially in the cold. I don't care how cool the thing is, in this city, there's always something else.