Mark Trail

Space measles.

Vic Sinatem

If you can't eat it, it's memorabilia.

Malcolm Existentialist

Game recognizes game.

Hermes Knockin

All I did was mention that there are still over a thousand days left in the Despot Donnie Numero Dos presidency.

Wanda Wayfewer

Somewhere on this computer I know I have a picture of Bob Dylan wearing almost the exact same outfit. He's even holding a very similar guitar! I'll find it and post it as soon as I can.

Blaine Smoke

Barn, in the USA.

Homer Townjam

I've really been getting into photography lately. I call the first one, "Old Man Tries to Take Picture of Odometer." And then, "Second Chances are a Blessing."

Cansel Adams

Trump is fixing the National Museum of African American History. His new Dept. of Getting Things RIGHT ordered them to drop all use of the word "slave" and to replace it with "intern." It turns out all kidnapped Africans were brought here as part of a job skills training program!

W.E.B. Du Boisclub

I liked the part of the speech where Donnie promised that every woman in the USA who can produce a birth certificate and a passport will receive one beautiful, complementary incandescent light bulb. The kind that God intended them to use for their night chores.

Winnie Winagain

When I lie dying, I'm looking forward to seeing my Bluesky posts from 2025 one last time.

Duane Waddiloved

Is it just me or was the Young Republican Post State of the Union Mar-A-Lago Dance Party a little bit odd? I know they were trying to demonstrate that they have a big tent but I think they may have lost a couple of polls with that one.

Shay Kittoff

I see Donnie awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to the USA's goalie. But why not spread a little love by giving the Mr. Congeniality award to the guy who got his teeth knocked out? Donnie doesn't think things through sometimes. I guess he's just not magananimous by nature.

Howie Stumbles

I didn't watch any speeches on television this evening but an image kept appearing in my mind, as though a certain person's voice had taken on a corporeal form of its own.

Ira N. Earwaxen

It's only natural for a mother to worry when her son takes up military service. Especially if the Bloviator in Chief declares war on Iran in order to distract us. Is there anything that's not at risk?

Colleen Textme

Let's just hang out on the roof until it's showtime for "The Thing."

Lavinia DeMoment

Are we still doing that thing where we murder guys from Venezuela if they have a boat? Or did we stop doing that because we got the oil?

Ferlin Policy

It turns out she's a real jerk - she keeps giving me the "if you want it so bad why don't you come and get it" treatment. What an a-hole.

Darcy Blows

Hey lady, can I please have my wrist balloon ball thing back? I need to go home, I'm already late for dinner. I just said you could try it, I never said you could keep it.

Dara R. Boundaries

"Trump has ordered the Department of Defense to purchase energy derived from burning coal."

I'll bet the energy will be used to heat large cauldrons of oil to pour on our enemies if they try to scale our border walls. Genius!

Spoilsport experts say the idea makes zero sense.

Andy Weigh-Wego

What would you rather be than a front-row member of the audience for Bloviatin' Donnie's "Misstating the Union" address?

Wayne D. Options

Can you guess which is the original and which is the one that has been tampered with by the liberal elite in order to make Lee Marvin, a lifelong Democrat, look good?

Alec Smart

If a woman wants to kill a polar bear, work the hide and then make herself a fur wrap as a reward for her effort, am I so woke that I'm going to try to convince her it's bad and wrong? Not hardly. I'm not good at taking advice so I try not to give any.

Yvonne Supplewarm

What will you be doing instead of watching Donnie's "Misstating the Union" pontification on Tuesday evening? I know I have plans.

Lane Insummud

Here's another suggested alternative activity for this evening. I know you don't want to waste your time listening to that tripe-slinger so why not get your toes wet instead? If you're lucky, tiny fish will debride them.

Philomena Tickle

He's big on prescriptions.

Loren Dosage

He's big on prescriptions.

Loren Dosage

We did that thing where you get together with a friend and you both get colonoscopies. They even gave us copies of our videos to watch at home. But the funny thing was, we started up the first video and we couldn't tell which of us it was! We're thinking next we should get tattoos.

Bea F. Effin

The three in favor of Donnie on tariffs:

1. Clarence "Present Danger" Thomas
2. Brett "Kegger" Kavanaugh
3. Sam "I'm a much bigger asshole than my mild-mannered appearance suggests" Alito

Does he have blackmail material on them? Many armchair quarterbacks like me are asking.

John Marshall Dillon

Bob F. Kennedy Jr. says that if you start feeling clammy it's actually a good thing because it means your endocrine system is maximizing and you have excellent acidity in your islets of Langerhans.

Dr. Robert Goulash

I think we all know what's coming.

Atina Swords