🟣Blobstar🟣

We have a giant beanbag that the dogs have claimed and if I don't find your child charming-I'm not warning them about the dog hair.

a woman with a very large wig is wearing a swirl shirt . ALT: a woman with a very large wig is wearing a swirl shirt .

😂👽
Still learning the ways of the earthlings

Imagine being prejudiced towards people because of their age while you’re alive and aging

Would Thai kick your replies in the junk for you.

Kid's drama teacher picks Macbeth for school play?! Doomed to watch prepubescents attempt dramatic reenactment of mass murder and paranoia?

Not Hamlet, filled with sharp wit, mourning, poisoning and a sword fight?!

Feckless dolt.

me whenever i talk: My brain on repeat even as I’m talking what am i even saying

mechanic who
fixed my horn boy scouts
🤝
beep repaired

Bisghetti. It’s a biscotti but it’s spaghetti

spanish ballerina skirts are called youyous

😂

I like rawr milk right from the dinosaur.

QOTD: "Capitalism is always defined by its successes, but alternatives are always defined by their failures. Think about who benefits from that narrative."

James Cameron rented a yacht and crashed it into an iceberg so that Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet could understand the feeling of being on a sinking ship.

Wow, you learn something new about Titanic every day.

So smart! Good planning.

Eating cereal for dinner so I can sleep through breakfast tomorrow

The other planets: omg gross

Gas giant: sorry everybody

Oh, so the Tooth Fairy can come in your house and pay you for your lost tooth, but if I, a horrid little goblin, yank out your molars and then fill your mouth with coins, suddenly buying teeth is bad? It’s all a popularity contest with you people!

so we all just gonna act like the corner is not the optimal location for baby placement

when you put the collar on and it makes that clicking sound and your dog goes berserk

i want that energy

I am what happens when you take a pair of pantyhose, stuff them with meat and fibreglass insulation, and then give them sentience.

I should be allowed on Police stake-outs. I don't really want to solve crimes but I do want to eat foil-wrapped sandwiches and discuss the ways I'm failing as a husband.

Ben Folds Five is named after the phenomenon where you can only fold guys named Ben a set number of times before it becomes physically impossible to fold them due to the doubling of thickness each fold

Digital painting, a fanart of moon's spawn from the book of the fallen.

moon's spawn - 2023

I love vacation because money isn’t real until next month when I get my credit card statement.

Terrifying!

Remember when you were a kid, and Mom would take you to the grocery store, and she'd leave you in line at the register while she ran off to grab one more thing? And you'd think "What if I have to pay? I don't have any money!"

That's what adulthood feels like all the time.

wishing all horse girls a good deigh

I carry nunchucks with me when I go shopping so that people know to give me my personal space

*me brushing my daughter's hair

my watch: are you working out?