Jesse Maximum

I weep for those that do not have the capacity to enjoy writing shitty books. Not only is the grind joyous, but now I have a giant hardcover collection of absolute trash that I get to trick people into reading.

(pictured next to a giant stein with a baby kicking an old man’s ass for scale)

Stacks of minizines that say “A Spooky Mini-zine for (Werewolf) Kids!

The minizine as a one-sheet

That time of year again.

Print one out for the werewolf kid in your life.

RESIDE 2 VIL

Is stapler

Listening to Daniel Garcia’s entrance…

#AEWDynamite 🤼‍♂️

I loved Blaster Master Zero, which smoothed the rough edges of the original. Then I played Zero 2 and hated it because it was too different.

Later I went back to play Zero 2 again, got used to its quirks, and loved it…and then hated 3 because it was too different.

I should probably try BM03 again.

I’m also like this and one of the weirdest side effects of getting covid in early 2020 was having absolutely vivid loops of imagery when I closed my eyes. It was wild. I can’t believe some people get to do that all the time.

Women can’t believe this one weird trick…

It’s like the picture is saying, “We bet you’ll still watch even though, you know, [gestures wildly] EVERYTHING.”

A roadside sign for Momma Grim, The Original Goat Snuggler A drawing of an older lady holding a baby goat while other goats look on and smile fills the rest of the sign

Last year I wrote a song for my punk band called Chucklefucks Against Fascism, about how the time to fight back is *already here* but the Democrat decision machine is going to sit on their hands until it’s too late and then go “guys, we’ve really gotta do something!”

STOP BEING SO PREDICTABLE.

And that last one was from a while different Coach Z bit!

YouTube video by ebyam93 New Boots

If you’d like to see how wrong I remembered every one of these…

youtu.be/hGm2WhTJSd0?...

This one dumb cartoon is responsible for so many of the dumb phrases that still live in the back of my head.

“Oh no, hot soup is in my eyes.”

“Go away, Nebulon. Nobody likes your style.”

“THASS A GOOD DAAANCE!”

“I can flow. I can freak. I can freak and flow at the same time.”

Good Frog by James Kochalka Superstar kochalka.bandcamp.com/album/good-f...

I’d look mad too if I had fifteen knives in my back.

I thought the tiny smile was a nose and…THAT dude is up to something.

This is, and perhaps I shouldn’t be so shocked by this, insanely Kochalka-coded.

The son’s got the juice, raw and unprocessed. Get a taste.

That’s when you come home from your “work trip” and visit your real family.

Time traveling back to 1991 to pitch my Paula Abdul/Mortal Kombat parody song Promise of a Lin Kuei, causing a time paradox that inspires Ed Boon and John Tobias to use the name for their new game’s ninja clan.

Upon my return, Mom says I am no longer allowed to use the time machine.

Time traveling back to 2009 so I can post my viral Youtube video Barack of Love Bus.

Time traveling back to 2015 so I can steal past me’s phone and tweet “When Mojo Rawley gets pinned, that’s a Bro Job.”

I know what 6 7 means and I still have no idea what 6 7 means.

I’d sell half my life into work slavery if I knew that little innie freak got to ride The Mummy: The Ride every day.

Bob Da Rock Gahd

No rock guitar has ever sounded better than on Eight Arms to Hold You by Veruca Salt, but you’re welcome to share your wrong opinions with me.

I saw a slow motion shot of Tony Shalhoub taking a bite as a corner ad for a show called Breaking Bread and almost turned off the video because I thought they had used AI to make the dumbest fake show joke.

Nope. Real show. Real Shalhoub. Broke my faith in reality.

This feels like it’s tailor made for an older man I used to work with who “wasn’t racist” but wished there could be a special version of channels for black people so he could see more white people in his ads again.

Eddie being Eddie nonstop for 34 minutes. God bless.

This one hurt me! Good job!

They’re literally playing back taxation without representation. How anyone can see this as anything but unAmerican is beyond me, but that gambler’s fallacy is a hell of a thing.