Sam Ebbets

"Dasha got dropped by Gersh," I say to the elerly woman sitting next to me on the bus. "Can you believe that?" She empties an entire can of mace directly into my face instantly.

I'm sure this will finally make him happy

Normal people are just sick to fucking death of the cruelty and meanness

<nodding approvingly> Baseball

lol I'm sorry, *trying* to get hit, and then actually getting hit and bitching about it is deeply funny. like, Andrés, buddy, come on now.

ive decided that i genuinely do not understand the current right wing ideology at all. no idea what you could get out of it that would make you feel good about yourself or the direction of the world you occupy. just really bizarre stuff

i can't believe they have to play again today.

If the US can ever vomit this stupid era out we're gonna need widespread all-ages education on basic facts like when you'd see old billboards or MST3k shorts advertising the concept of hand washing or being good. Stop Using Gasoline To Wash Clothes. Springs Are Ubiquitous & Essential To Modern Life

every day i drive by the warner lot and think about all the movies i saw as a kid where there were cowboys and spacemen and shit walking around the lot and drive down streets like fred astaire way or whatever. this city used to be proud of what they did here.

Matthew McConaughey says he wants a private LLM, fed only with his books, notes, journals, and aspirations, so he can ask it questions and get answers based solely on that information, without any outside influence.

this exists it is called thinking

one problem i can see on the horizon is like any junkie, the violence-addled american public needs harder and harder stuff to get off. shooting up a school doesn't get you noticed anymore. this proves you now have to pop a computer guy live on the computer to get noticed in today's media environment

Each alleged mass shooter is even more On the Computer All the Time than the previous one. Probably nothing to worry about there

you have to admit it’s funny that they cared about the Cracker Barrel logo as long if not longer than this

This is such a funny element to the Kirk eulogizing: they can’t describe him the way they’re describing him *and* show clips of anything he actually said or did

time to put granny in the fields and deploy the agricultural robots that don't exist and aren't being developed after we gutted science funding

A grim reaper knocking on a third door of a hallway that says “Dem establishment” while the leaving behind a pool of blood outside doors that say “chain restaurants” and “department stores”

New “millennials killed the ___” just dropped

My vampire Waluigi is tempting @grubb.wtf’s Peach like Black Phillip. Come closer.

The cruelty of this is, genuinely, staggering. This is a policy that saves virtually no money whatsoever whose success is measured in the number of children it kills.

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem transported by ambulance to DC-area hospital, sources say | CNN Politics Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem was transported by ambulance on Tuesday to a hospital in Washington, DC, two sources familiar with the matter told CNN.

She pulled the stupid hat down too far on her head and she can't get the hat off and she couldn't breathe she was choking on the dumb fucking hat and they have to surgically remove the hat. www.cnn.com/2025/06/17/p...

Yeah my job is pretty cool. My uniform is a tactical vest that’s two sizes too small and a gaiter I bought in a gas station. They send me to sneak into schools to kidnap little kids because people got mad about having to press 1 for English. The president had to warn everyone to stop spitting on me.

being intimidated by bluesky is so funny. yeah i keep getting my ass kicked every time i go to bath and body works

Insanely cool

nathan fielder (narrating): to understand what it’s like to be in a plane crash, i needed to experience one myself. but i would have to defeat the god of death to return to the world of the living. so in a studio warehouse, i recreated the shadow realm of duat and the twelve gates of the underworld,

I don’t know if bugs sleep and frankly I don’t want to know. Some dumb fly taking a nap. Yeah get your rest you gross idiot, we need you at your best to ruin things

Luthen Rael has too much street wisdom

Luthen Rael's heart is too big

Luthen Rael smoke more different than anyone

Luthen Rael's bitch is too bad

The isb girl monitoring me: he has too much street wisdom, his heart is too big, he smoke more different than anyone, his bitch is too bad. We have to take him out.

The whole internet loves Chicago Pope, a Chicagoan who’s been elected Pope! *5 seconds later* We regret to inform you the Pope is Catholic

video games make eleventy billion dollars a year but we can only have one website about them, and it’s owned by The Bastard Group

Ten years of Trump going on TV and just fucking saying whatever, and still nothing like an industry set of best practices to deal with it. Put someone on the set with a laptop to look stuff up, pause the interview, whatever. He'd walk off but so what. Amazing to still be at "agree to disagree."