@With1v

Man at the shop said, "Once repaired, you'll pick this wheel up?"
"Yes," I said. "I need it for my bike."
"We've had a problem with non-collection."
"As I said, I need it."
"See you in 45 minutes."
"Yes." I said.
I don't think he believed even though I've now paid and collected.
#NewAlanBennetts

Audrey has discovered that Strictly Murder by Brian Clemens is full of guns so is refusing to watch the play at the village hall. Maureen has seen a rehearsal and has assured Audrey the only guns on show are Eric's withered limbs. #NewAlanBennetts

The Comedy Store Players

Unique comedy from the world’s most famous improvisation team.

No two shows are ever the same!

It’s true!

Mam has had a dream about an old woman who can't remember her dreams. She says she is lucky to remember that she had a dream. The conversation ended when she said, "What was I talking about?"
I painfully said, "Your dreams, Mam."
#NewAlanBennetts

It's Monday in Chelsea and Derek & Kayleigh have come to inspect the colour of the lavender. Like misplaced children, they struggle to speak. She's forlorn and waits for an apology. He's a fish out of water. A script from a play where the jester cries & everyone is broken hearted. #NewAlanBennetts

Simon bumped into one of the Cusack sisters the other day. "It could have been Sinead, Sorsha or Niamh. I'll never be sure."
Mam asked, "Was she with Jeremy?"
"Jeremy?"
"Sinead's husband Jeremy Irons."
"Does he do the washing as well?"
A week of silence has ensued.
#NewAlanBennett

Howard has been dressing up as Batman.
Mam shouted, "How odd! Batman."
"How did you know?" Howard asked from behind the mask. His secret identity revealed by a simple misunderstanding.
#NewAlanBennetts

Mam said, "You have been a sensation at the Edinburgh Fringe this year. You have even invented one of those machines where you can see the back of your own head!"

"Yes, Mam. It's called an i-phone."
#NewAlanBennetts #Edfringe

Mam did 5 minutes of open mic comedy at the Dog and Duck last night. The dog liked it but the duck could only give her 2 stars. #Edfringe #NewAlanBennetts

Last night was a belter. I think next Sunday will be too...

Some new picks of the Fringe
Including @ofalafel.bsky.social @alicefrick.bsky.social @lubnakerr.bsky.social @maxfulham.bsky.social @auntyginger.bsky.social @stellagraham.bsky.social @podomedy.bsky.social @benmoor.bsky.social @awkwardprods.co.uk @emilycarding.bsky.social

A fresh tomato from the garden was all that Alf needed to be happy. That and his £2 million lottery win. #NewAlanBennetts

After being invited on stage by a hypnotist, Joan's decided that it is a life in theatre for her. Since the event, she has insisted upon being called Dame Judi Dench. Audrey's had enough and keeps clicking her fingers to induce a narcoleptic slumber. At least theatre will survive. #NewAlanBennetts

Fabulous show!

Rain drops like pennies from heaven. Owing to the cost of living crisis, Mam is collecting every drop and putting them all in an ISA. #NewAlanBennetts

Re-runs of The Bill reminded Eric that he could have had a career in acting if only he hadn't have traded that Police uniform for a monkey suit. #NewAlanBennetts

Eric's long awaited return to comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe led to him dying in more way than one. #Edfringe #NewAlanBennetts @awkwardprods.co.uk

For reasons of safety, Mam wore a mask on the plane as she is still is worried about covid. She went for Spiderman as it gave her a better sense of protection. #NewAlanBennetts

"Ch, ch, ch, ch, changes!"
Tony has spent most of the morning impersonating David Bowie.
Sandra has suggested, "Give the performance a little more life!"
"Well, he has been dead for 9 years."
#NewAlanBennetts

Sad news overnight. After 57 years of engagement to Bella, Russell has passed. Bella has told her nearest and dearest that she was so looking forward to a white wedding in the Spring like she had done for the last 57 years. As long as it wasn't her wedding, she was happy. #NewAlanBennetts

Sandra asked Maude, "Why have you bothered to watch all of the episodes of Midsomer Murders?"
Under her breath Maude muttered, "To find the best way to knock you off while the police fumble around."
Suddenly, Sandra has decided to be very kind to Maude.
#NewAlanBennetts

I greeted Mam with a solitary note... "Red sky in the morning, all the shepherds have been replaced by AI."
"I told you Alan that one day you'd be useful." acknowledged Mam.
"Artificial Intelligence!" screamed my internal voice. I pondered whether the human race had run its course. #NewAlanBennetts

These are my #Edfringe picks for 2025. #edfringe25
Just go see the lot of them if you can.
@lubnakerr.bsky.social
@awkwardprods.co.uk
@stellagraham.bsky.social
@maxfulham.bsky.social
@ramblingclub.bsky.social
@robinince.bsky.social
@johnshuttleworth.bsky.social
@emilycarding.bsky.social

In celebration of the Lionesses' win, Mam has run around the settee in her bra. Passing neighbours called the police as they thought she was having an episode. She ended up being a arrested for threatening the police by saying she'd take off her bottoms as it was back to back wins. #NewAlanBennetts

Colouring in poster

Ice cream

5 intense days of prepping for new shows in Edinburgh - I thought I had days off - but NO - while others see the fringe as the culmination of the working year - it’s my holiday and more exciting than Ibiza (for me at least)

www.edfringe.com/tickets/what...

www.edfringe.com/tickets/what...

How cheesy!

Joan has overslept.
Maude said, "Don't worry as you are retired and don't have to be anywhere by anytime."
Joan is furious as she has missed out on 30 minutes of curtain twitching and said, "I am discombobulated!"
"Who is Disco Bob and why is he late?" asked Maude.
#NewAlanBennetts

Just seen one of the best WIPs that I have seen in years!
by @maxfulham.bsky.social
Max Fulham: Full of Ham is brilliant, funny and full of surprises. Go See him at The Pleasance Courtyard. #edfringe #edfringe25
edfringe.com/tickets/what...

The jigsaw puzzle is making Maude hungry. Pictures of cream cakes and knickerbocker glories have her salivating like a rabid dog. To temper the mood, her next puzzle is a life-size photo of Nigel Farage just so she can induce a feeling of repulsion.

#NewAlanBennetts

We’re just under a week away and tickets are selling well, can’t believe the @edfringe is just a away! The shows have grown so much in the last couple of years and would love your support as well this time around! linktr.ee/imacpun for more info