Jo

it’s gone 3am. went downstairs for a snack like the gluttonous wench i am. half asleep. opened the fridge and my fatass thought she spied some giant scotch eggs. result!!!! fuck yea! praise the lord etc

they were kiwis :(

giiiiirl we old as balls

man, i miss peak 2015 twitter

me too 😮‍💨

Castlevania 2 screen that says what a horrible night

definitely the shop’s cheapest lager

this is who runs this account

we’ve been hit by some kind of demonic sickness bug

there’s so much poop

i remain horrendous at this game but i finally beat chronos (and i still have severe mummy issues with hestia)

i’ll have a one year old next week
he was literally born like 2 days ago, what????

i haven’t started my new job yet, but have received a bunch of communication from management/colleagues calling me joanne. at what point do i inform them that that’s not my name? i think i’ve missed the opening. it’s too late for me. time to reinvent myself

i’m in the bath eating sour spaghetti sweets. it’s like i’m having a sexual awakening. never felt like this before. this shit bangs

a lady that i used to work with popped over today for a cuppa. she used the bathroom, took one look at my dragonball z shower curtain and said “tch, the things men make us do, eh?”

uhhhh

i will never be this cool :(

anthony is all “it’s just the wind” - i see the tiny sweat droplets on your forehead, SIR. i know the sound of female anguish, she’s going THROUGH it. i feel u sister (but also go away, please)

ok so we’ve heard heavy footsteps across the landing, things flying off shelves, someone “shhh-ing” the baby when we’ve heard him cry on the monitor. i’m cool with all that, but now we’ve just heard a female shriek coming from upstairs. no thanks, not for me, all the best, good luck kid, fuckin NOPE

haven’t done a tmi bodily fluid post in a while, so here ya go

i’m having my first period in 20 months. i’m fairly certain that my insides are falling out. i’m pretty good with pain, but what fresh hell is this??

and the worst part??? i still cannot consume chocolate

in conclusion: bit shit init

d’aww. how was he in the night?

bedtime play 🫦

(will i fall asleep within 5-10 minutes? does the pope shit in the woods?)

i rarely get time to game much these days - finally settled down, booted up the PS5, had about 10 mins of the good stuff before there was a power cut

i was definitely mean to kittens in a former life

that is one happy kitty 🥹

even in early pregnancy, i got excited at the thought of my child’s first birthday party. what will the theme be??? what will they like?? dinosaurs? unicorns? teddies? stars?

…crabs. our theme is bloody crabs. kid can’t get enough of em

not to be dramatic, but i’d die for finn

my stepmum bought a pokémon backpack for my son, and honestly would it be THAT bad if i just straight up stole it?

today i made the decision to cut my fringe without wearing my glasses.

it ain’t good, folks

still at it… have not learned any names