19 years ago, the black eyed peas released 'my humps', fergie really did her thing on that track

Bluesky now has over 10 million users, and I was #9,064,496!

Megan Thee Stallion and #RM's "Neva Play" debuts at #1 on this week's Digital Song Sales chart.

It marks Megan’s sixth and RM’s second #1 hit.

"your silence is deafening" bro you've got noise cancelling enabled

This is a 4-panel comic by War and Peas featuring a vampire lamenting modern dating and vampire culture. Panel 1: A vampire sits on a purple armchair, holding a smartphone in one hand. He says, "Dating is out of control since those Twilight movies." Panel 2: The vampire, looking more irritated, says, "All of a sudden vampires are cool. Vampires are hot." Panel 3: The vampire reads a message on his phone and says, "Here’s a message: 'Suck me dry, you sexy jagged-tooth Zaddy.'" The phone gives off a notification sound, "Pling." Panel 4: Looking frustrated, the vampire sighs and says, "People under 400 don’t know the art of seduction."

Panel 1: mafia boss tells Goon "I want you to "take care of" Fat Tony". Lackey says "you got it boss" Panel 2: Goon is making Tony eat fruit and veggies Panel 3: Goon is timing Tony as he runs Panel 4: a slimmer Tony is on the scale. Goon is behind. Both are happy

A man in a werid uniform gets up from a crowd of other men in weird uniforms and says "wait a minute... this is a cult!!!" Another cultist says "yes brother Matthew, it's a cult, but how much have you saved on rent since moving to the commune?" Matthew considers this for a moment and then gets back to praying.

I just realised that there is absolutely nothing except my lack of imagination keeping me from having a bowl of cereal for lunch at work

Sorry about last night. I was drunk with possibilities

This is the stupidest app I check every 30 seconds.

Setting aside some tomatoes from the garden to throw at people I don’t like.

*opens Bluesky*
*sees people are still falling in love and/or finding joy in life*
*closes Bluesky*

prior to your upcoming appointment. Please bring a fresh fecal sample.

getting weird vibes from my new book club

whatever you do don’t think about how gravity is the only thing keeping you from hurling off the face of the earth into space

manager: Jeff, can you call this client and say sorry

me, seeing their name is Ms. Jackson: I have been training over 20 years for this

A coworker tried to show me pictures of their baby and I'm pretty sure I heard my ovaries hiss.

These skeets were made for laughin'
And that's just what you'll do
One of these days these skeets
Are gonna make you chuckle too

I love a good song that makes me feel like shit