Bryce

Because it is wrong to kill merely for sport, I am using the vinegar from the fruit fly trap to make a tart, grainy salad dressing

What name do you always mispronounce in your head, no matter how many times you’ve Sean it?

I hired a personal trainer to help me with tummy time and learning how to roll over

Reading Virginia Woolf and i honestly cannot understand how anyone finds her scary

Not only is it easy, but taking candy from a baby is the right thing to do. Candy is not appropriate food for a baby

Of course all my eunuchs have extended health benefits. Why, don’t yours?

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Follow me on IG: TheConsciousSultan

Psychological realism to rival Diary of a Shopaholic, with global scope and probing cultural criticism worthy of the Da Vinci Code

Any time I see someone on the tl talking sh*t about “scheming viziers” it’s like…. ok buddy, so does your satrapy just administrate itself?? lol

Eudaemonia

It’s a riot it’s a riot oh

Eating various particles

suchen wissen ich was suchen ich nicht wissen was suchen ich nicht wissen wie wissen was suchen ich suchen wie wissen was suchen ich wissen was suchen ich suchen wie wissen was suchen ich wissen ich suchen wie wissen was suchen ich was wissen

Zum heutigen Welttag der Poesie ein Dialog zwischen Kund*in und Bibliothekar*in von Ernst Jandl.

I’m constantly on the lookout for situations to analyze

Everybody got that one homie who is a system of levers and pulleys

Launching a Gofundme because the doctor has diagnosed me with Elon Torso

Today I learned what the stock market is. Sounds to me like it’s just another crypto scam

The doctor measured my microplastics and she says they’re looking great

Once again I am being lambasted by my critics

The best day of the school year was when the janitor would go up on the roof at recess and throw down all the stuff kids had tossed up there. That’s how I came into possession of Walter Benjamin’s lost manuscript

Wondering what all these international women are up to on their day off. Seems suspicious

Every night my wife and I flip a coin to see who gets to sleep in the top bunk

Oh is there a sportsball on right now??

It’s named after the inventor of movies, Oscar Hollywood

Next up at the Westminster Dog Show we have the category for Most Racist Bark

Nothing on this Earth is more precious than an innocent newborn baby that has swallowed a giant diamond

Nobody publishes moldering tomes these days

Inner Circle actually recorded a follow-up to the Cops theme song in which the bad boys describe what they would do in the event anyone were to come for them

Having one of those days where it feels like my life is filmed in Vancouver

Chat I’m gakked on that Robitussin. That Robitussin got me staying home from school watching The Price is Right. Call me Dr. Mom way I’m zooted off that Robitussin. Chat I’m eating popsicles on the couch

Remember beanie babies? Most have grown up to become profoundly unhappy beanie adults