The Bored Card

I'd be super into paparazzi if they decided to follow and photograph random people once in a while.

"Here's Suzy going into her 11:00am shift at Subway 15 min. late, check it out - her socks don't match."

Then the internet has an overlong irrational debate over sock-theories.

No Sweetie, The Blue Mage Under Your Bed Isn't Holding a Counterspell - The Bored Card A local girl had quite the bedtime scare Tuesday evening. Seven-year-old Eloise Winters refused to go to sleep after claiming she saw “the blue mage under the bed holding up two untapped Islands and s...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/14/n...
No Sweetie, The Blue Mage Under Your Bed Isn’t Holding a Counterspell

Breaking: Mom's Gonna Wait In Car While We Play Our Little Magic Game - The Bored Card In a developing story outside of Knight’s Table Gaming & Vapes, 13-year-old Jacob Millner confirmed that his mom will be “just fine waiting in the car” while he and his friends go play their little ga...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/11/b...
Breaking: Mom’s Gonna Wait In Car While We Play Our Little Magic Game

Newest Marvel Snap Season Pass Card Only Available to Players Who Can Properly Fold a Fitted Sheet - The Bored Card Second Dinner has announced a new way to obtain a powerful new Marvel Snap card, available only to players who can demonstrate the ability to correctly fold a fitted sheet. “Players expect to be rewar...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/08/n...
Newest Marvel Snap Season Pass Card Only Available to Players Who Can Properly Fold a Fitted Sheet

Original Flavor Text for Sephiroth's Intervention Urged Nostalgic Players to Schedule Colonoscopy - The Bored Card A recently uncovered draft of Sephiroth’s Intervention, a Magic: The Gathering Final Fantasy VII crossover, has revealed the original flavor text was less about lore and more about lower intestinal he...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/o...
Original Flavor Text for Sephiroth’s Intervention Urged Nostalgic Players to Schedule Colonoscopy

Second Dinner Announces Marvel Snap Now Has a 4th Location Accessible via Toll - The Bored Card Second Dinner has unveiled Marvel Snap’s newest mechanic: a fourth location—accessible only if you pay a toll. The new zone, officially named the Monelocation, will soon appear in-game if your app sto...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/s...
Second Dinner Announces Marvel Snap Now Has a 4th Location Accessible via Toll

TCGPlayer Clarifies Requirement for 'Lightly Played' Condition as Having 51% or More of a Card Intact - The Bored Card After years of debate over TCGplayer’s guidelines for grading a card’s condition, TCGPlayer has issued an official clarification on what qualifies as “Lightly Played”: the card must have at least 51% ...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/t...
TCGPlayer Clarifies Requirement for ‘Lightly Played’ Condition as Having 51% or More of a Card Intact

Giveaway: Free Final Fantasy Collectors Booster Box to the First One to Dodge 200 Lightning Strikes in this Field - The Bored Card In a bold marketing stunt (or actionable OSHA violation) local game shop Flushable Board Wipes has announced an exclusive giveaway for a Final Fantasy collector’s booster box, free of charge, to the f...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/g...
Giveaway: Free Final Fantasy Collectors Booster Box to the First One to Dodge 200 Lightning Strikes in this Field

Tifa Lockhart MTG Proxies Causing Widespread Sexual Awakening in LaserJet Printers - The Bored Card An entire generation of HP LaserJets found themselves inexplicably obsessed with the curvature of the female anatomy Wednesday, as Magic: The Gathering players everywhere began printing Tifa Lockhart ...

“I was printing some Final Fantasy proxies and the moment Yoshiro Ambe’s Tifa Lockhart came out of the tray, the printer made a sound. Not the usual whirrs or whees, but more like an ‘oooh’. Then, it asked if it could ‘jam my paper tray.’ Damn thing just went out of warranty too.”

What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There - The Bored Card BURLINGTON, V.T. — Magic: The Gathering confirmed that the exile zone, long thought to be a formless, desolate void, is actually a lot more fun than it sounds due to the presence of a GameCube with fo...

www.theboredcard.com/2025/01/22/w...
What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There

My Mom's Foundations Set Review: "Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket" - The Bored Card Foundations is a new Magic: The Gathering set that brings a host of new cards, stunning artwork, and familiar characters. While much has been said about the new expansion across MTG’s social sphere ou...

My Mom’s Foundations Set Review: “Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket”
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/16/m...

Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General - The Bored Card WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump announced today the appointment of Yawgmoth as Surgeon General of the United States. Yawgmoth, known as the “Lord of the Wastes” and the progenitor of t...

Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/15/t...

Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America's New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping - The Bored Card Let’s face it: Magic: The Gathering has all the components of a great American sport—it’s competitive, strategic, expensive, and boasts an incredibly loyal fanbase. So why hasn’t MTG cracked into main...

Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America’s New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/14/o...

Vatican Claims 'Modern Day Miracle' After Cash for 'Foundations' Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate - The Bored Card VATICAN CITY — In what is being hailed as a “modern day miracle,” the Vatican released a statement Wednesday after reports surfaced of an exact amount of cash to purchase a booster box of MTG’s ‘Found...

Vatican Claims ‘Modern Day Miracle’ After Cash for ‘Foundations’ Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/09/v...

How to Tell if Your Mashed Potatoes Need More Basic Island There's no magic formula for perfect mashed potatoes but often times they just need a bit more Basic Island.

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/30/h...
How to Tell if Your Mashed Potatoes Need More Basic Island

San Diego Comic-Con Places Pre-Release Copy of Grand Theft Auto 6 at Center of Funko Pop Maze - The ... In a move that has left attendees both bewildered and excited, San Diego Comic-Con has announced a unique challenge: a pre-release copy of the highly anticipated Grand Theft Auto 6 has been placed at ...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/18/s...
San Diego Comic-Con Places Pre-Release Copy of Grand Theft Auto 6 at Center of Funko Pop Maze

Fans Hopeful Their Favorite Magic: The Gathering Content Creators Drop Some Fresh IHOP Knowledge Soo... Fans of prominent Magic: The Gathering content creators are waiting with bated breath for an update on the latest in pancake news from I.H.O.P. “Things were great leading up to and after Magicfest,�...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/13/f...
Fans Hopeful Their Favorite Magic: The Gathering Content Creators Drop Some Fresh IHOP Knowledge Soon

Modern Day Jesus? This Guy Always Snaps Whenever Opponent Uses the 'Snap?' Emote - The Bored Card In what can only be described as a digital second coming, one Marvel Snap player has been hailed as the modern-day savior of sportsmanship. This player, known only by their in-game handle “SnapBack,...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/10/m...
Modern Day Jesus? This Guy Always Snaps Whenever Opponent Uses the ‘Snap?’ Emote

Out of Ideas? Magic: The Gathering's Marketing Team Chants 'Taylor Swift' Three Times into Bathroom ... Magic: The Gathering's marketing team gathers to chant 'Taylor Swift' three times into the bathroom mirror in hopes of drumming up sales.

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/09/o...
Out of Ideas? Magic: The Gathering’s Marketing Team Chants ‘Taylor Swift’ Three Times into Bathroom Mirror

Players Quick to Point Out They Could Buy a Vagina-Scented Candle for the Same Price as the Latest M... This week’s outrage over the latest bundle offered in the digital CCG, Marvel Snap was punctuated by players comparing its price to that of a vagina-scented candle. “It’s ridiculous,” said one...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/08/p...
Players Quick to Point Out They Could Buy a Vagina-Scented Candle for the Same Price as the Latest Marvel Snap Bundle

Parents of Child Dabbling In Magic: The Gathering Suggest They Smoke a Bunch of Weed Instead - The B... Local parents Bobby and Shelly McLaune discovered their son Billy dabbling with Magic: The Gathering and decided to intervene by suggesting he start smoking a bunch of weed instead. “I found booster...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/07/p...
Parents of Child Dabbling In Magic: The Gathering Suggest They Smoke a Bunch of Weed Instead

Breaking: New Ability Creates Artifact Token with Old Ability - The Bored Card If rumors are to be trusted, anonymous sources inside Magic: The Gathering’s R&D team have leaked plans for a brand-new ability that creates an artifact token with an old ability. “People may thin...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/06/b...
Breaking: New Ability Creates Artifact Token with Old Ability

"Okay With Proxies?" Guy Plays Card on His Phone - The Bored Card In a move that has rocked the local Magic: The Gathering community, notorious “okay with proxies?” guy, Dave “Proxy King” Henderson, took unconventional gameplay to a new level last Friday nig...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/02/o...
“Okay With Proxies?” Guy Plays Card on His Phone

New "100++" Deck Box Promises Space for Whole Commander Deck with Enough Room Left Over to Privately... In a move that’s being hailed as a game-changer for parent-gamers everywhere, the latest product in TCG accessories, the “100++ Deck Box,” has hit the market with a promise that has the communit...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/28/n...
New “100++” Deck Box Promises Space for Whole Commander Deck with Enough Room Left Over to Privately Breastfeed Your Baby

Graveyard-Bound Creature Asked What It Was Wearing At The Time - The Bored Card A graveyard-bound creature card was reportedly questioned about its attire at the time of its ‘demise’ during a recent Friday Night Magic, reported sources outraged at the obvious victim blaming. ...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/27/g...
Graveyard-Bound Creature Asked What It Was Wearing At The Time

Fashionable Playmat Comes Pre-Ripped - The Bored Card In a bold move that’s shaking up the TCG community, accessory manufacturer “MatRat” has launched its latest product: the “Vintage Shred,” a high-end playmat that comes pre-ripped, giving TCG...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/26/f...
Fashionable Playmat Comes Pre-Ripped

Sorry, Power Level of This Life Raft is About a 7 - The Bored Card In a shocking display of survival priorities, a group of stranded Magic: The Gathering players unanimously voted to eject one of their own from their life raft during a harrowing ordeal at sea. The re...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/25/s...
Sorry, Power Level of This Life Raft is About a 7

Some D&D Players Returning to Traditional Rolling Method of Blowing a D20 Out of Their Nose - The Bo... In a bizarre resurgence of what historians of the game are calling a “deeply traditional and somewhat questionable practice,” several Dungeons & Dragons enthusiasts are reverting to the ancient di...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/24/s...
Some D&D Players Returning to Traditional Rolling Method of Blowing a D20 Out of Their Nose

Panda Who Switched Diet from Bamboo to Magic: The Gathering Cards Suddenly Down to Fuck - The Bored ... In an unexpected turn of events, Zhen Zhen, a previously listless panda at the San Diego Zoo, has undergone a remarkable transformation after her diet was accidentally supplemented with Magic: The Gat...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/23/p...
Panda Who Switched Diet from Bamboo to Magic: The Gathering Cards Suddenly Down to Fuck

Cast of Naruto Asks If They're 'Gonna Have to Be Magic: The Gathering Cards Too' - The Bored Card In a dimension-bending turn of events, the animated cast of the beloved series “Naruto” has reportedly reached out to their creators, voicing concerns about potentially being turned into Magic: Th...

www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/20/c...
Cast of Naruto Asks If They’re ‘Gonna Have to Be Magic: The Gathering Cards Too’