Dark Satanic Mills

hope i see some Forest Whitaker goat costumes from “Alien: Earth”

it is only real Punk if it comes from the Punk region of France

i’d date a bald lady

going to start a taco stand called “gross dry ass lime wedges”

i had a sex dream last night.
so tacky.

Always hilarious, forever: making barfing sounds when using one of these

After Miles Davis's death, a reporter went undercover to investigate the significance of his final word on his deathbed: "Motherfucker." The mystery that puzzled so many can now be revealed - it was simply the name of his beloved childhood sled, "Motherfucker."

War and Peace, but the grand ball is a “spooktacular”

i’m living temporarily in Benicia (Northern California) and i can’t get over how pretty it is. it’s the most non-dot-commy town in the bay area.

i just flirted with a lady. it was weird.

put him in the right suit, Tom
Robinson could look like a Russian anarchist pamphlet writer from 1905.

I think the grassy knoll was probably famous before the Kennedy assassination because Dallas is pretty flat.

In these horrible times, it's easy to forget how advanced our material culture is. If Louis XIV wanted a smoothie, it took four 𝘴𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴 and a trained Barbary ape six hours to make it.

i got soused last for the first time in a long time. i’m much better at being drunk now than i was in my 20s.

I think any kind of over the top shouty drama that is essentially the same every episode would be interesting to watch in an unfamiliar language. I think it'd be easy to understand in broad strokes.

i would like to watch a real housewives that is entirely in Esperanto

it’s weird that human society will be brought down by what’s essentially roided-up spellcheck

who you trying to get crazy with, esé? It’s me, Margaret.

we are living in a golden age of uncomfortable outdoor seating

WIth journalism dying, I imagine fedora manufacturers are freaking out.

I'm a Theoretical Cosmetologist. It's my job to ask far-out questions about beauty.

I know what Ira Glass looks like, but when I hear his voice, I always picture it coming from a shaved-head Anne Hathaway.

re: Housing the Cat. it all worked out. martin would thank you himself, but he’s murdering a banana

Help. Help. Help. I need help finding a cat sanctuary quick. just found out he has FIV, so rehousing fell through. he's a very sweet, housebroken and neutered boy.

I've moving out of Michigan tomorrow. I've called a bunch of shelters, and I'm waiting to hear back.

george rr martin's hat isn't a hat, it is molded dandruff

Trump is my favorite Wooster and Jeeves villain

Let's bring back "outta sight"

ANNOYED: the version of Motorhead's "You Better Run" that appears in the SpongeBob Square Pants Movie (retitled "You Better Swim"), is better than the original album track, more brutal. The version on the OST album is the original boring blues song, but with new undersea lyrics

Normalize ruby port as a pancake topping

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the Ozempic began to take hold.