Model Employee

This didn’t do numbers on IG but maybe here

Asserting my dominance as a crew lead by shitting so aggressively in the shop bathroom that everyone goes back to work

Why did the Enby’s settle on spoons to objectify their mental health? Why not something more relevant to their lived experience, such as exes named Oliver, or neurological disorders?

Why is the Spoon Theory so enby coded?

I’m a over wires pitch diameter measuring kinda guy. A real kinda subtracting the constant from the over the wires measurement kind of a guy. Oh, me? In the type of guy that when a threads pitch diameter needs measuring I’ll just go ahead and grab the three wire set and measure over the wires. Icyww

Some of my best work #entrepreneur

“🎶🎶Picture me, with blood in pee🎵🎤”

Dry cutting steel and dissipating the heat in the chips is my kink

I think all the Kennedys should be shot in the head and I don’t vote

Rfk jr sounds like if a worm ate a man’s brain and then had to learn how to use his vocal chords to advocate health care policy that would prevent humans from adequately addressing a plague of brain eating worms

jesus, I see what you've done for others and I'm like, "oof, wow, no thank you"

Hell ya! Thanks for fucking with the vision

Look, I support public transit, I do, but I think there should be dedicated sections for people who don’t want to learn about 9/11 or your mothers flatulence.

Every once in awhile I try to listen to WTF with Marc Maron and only today did I realize it’s a podcast for people who have never been held hostage by a conversation with a stranger on the bus.

No Strength To Live, by Jacob track by Jacob

Hi, here’s a link to some post punky groovy yell boy music I made. Let me know if you have opinions about it please.

But ur cool and hot and smart so ur gonna love it

Twin Peaks is the type of show that would be on tv in the fiction of Mulholland Drive. It’s tv for the characters in a David Lynch movie. I didn’t understand that the first few times I tried watching it and couldn’t buy in

I made eye contact with another fat guy with a mustache at work and neither of us knew what to do. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone in for the kiss

If you’re a fat guy with a beard, might I suggest instead, be a fat guy with a mustache instead

I gotta say, as a fat guy with a mustache, being a fat guy with a mustache rules.

I posted this while dookying in the urinal at work

Urinals are for BOYS who DOOKIE, toilets are for MEN who SHIT

Set goo on earth fucked me up but how else would someone say it?????

odo: ugh human faces are so difficult!

also odo: perfectly replicates a german shepherd dog, never having set goo on earth in his entire life

Big ol’ shitty trade worker slinging sparks with an angle grinder

Making Pilates equipment is the best job I’ve ever had #mostlyreformedcriminal

Is there a song with the lyrics “you called me a liar and you were probably right”?? I’m trying write lyrics for a song and my concern is that I’ve heard to many songs

If your Shawty is like a melody in your head That you can't keep out, got you singing like​
Na-na-na-na, every day
It's like your iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay then maybe be gentle with your shawty. Your shawty is probably tired from being considered all day

Airbud, alimony edition