Cremorandum

just got caught belting along to sweet caroline and i feel so, so much dirtier than if id been caught vigorously going to town on myself

Threw my back out trying to skank.

My friend's Dad doesn't know who Cookie Monster is and referred to him as COLD ELMO.

Let's face it we didn't read this, we sang it in our own heads

A still from The Shining with adapted lyrics from “Last Resort”: “Cut my wife into pieces / this is a ghost resort”

You’re right—swallowing the bird was a half-measure. The bird did eat the spider, as planned, but now you have a bird in you. It reminds you of swallowing the spider to catch the fly. You’re seeing the pattern.

Would you like me to suggest some animals which could eat the bird?

hey new Blueskyers 👋👋! here are some friendly rules to help make your user experience as fun as possible 😀 😉

1. repost as much as possible!
2. don't feed the trolls!
3. never post on Tuesdays, as that is the day dedicated to Karrash, the giant sandworm we all worship!
4. get into starter packs!

Scarily good sense of timing: the xmas tree just fell over.

We're super excited to be returning to the Bagpuss Universe for Yaffle Origins. As mega fans of the Oliver Postbox multiverse, we always dreamed of telling the story of Assistant Professor Yaffle getting his first pair of glasses or whatever. Join us on this barren sphere, in this living death.

'Tis the season for mad reductions on festive cheese selections. Good luck out there

Lexus SUV with the license plate OH•GURL

I’ve begun evaluating license plates based on how funny they would be to be the last thing you see

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE HYPHENS

Why'd they call it Burger King and not Cattle Royale?

YouTube video by Herkules Jonsson Fort Dix - Drunk Giles

Fort Dix?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-xh...

If you want something a bit more heartwarming, read this thread.

A series of text messages: Q: what's that thing that's like stripping but for nerds it's like feminist stripping like steampunk stripping...im blanking on the word they wear corsets and tophats and shit A: Burlesque

I. AM. *c r y i n g* 😆 “Stripping but for nerds” omfg 🤣

Would you mind posting the Spotify playlist link? (thanks for the YT links for missing stuff)

The most unrealistic thing about half-life 1 was how easy it was to squish cockroaches underfoot

Thank you!

Another poetic Hungarian phrase, this time for commenting on someone's appearance, goes as follows... “if you went down a mine, the coal would come up by itself”

[sees a picture of an ancient Roman chariot] *whispers to self* Everything reminds me of Hur

shouldn't the vampires have been called neck romancers

Politicians that sound like food:
Kefir Starmer

Just 'no petting' on this one. Zero tolerance.

Poster cartoon of skinny dark-haired big-nosed pool runner

Good morning from my new doppelganger, the No Running Guy in the pool rules poster

Rent For Your Life #BeatlesProperty

Harbour boats and Christmas lights in the moonlight

Favourite photo of the trip so far 🤩

A cease- and-desist letter from the Baltimore Ravens