Fifi

Xylitol and Stevia would be beautiful names for boy/girl twins 💕

some of you need to make like travis kelce and engage with a tailor swiftly

Ah yes just what we need! An AI-generated summary of a person’s dating profile, because online dating isn’t impersonal and disconnected enough already. #hinge #dystopian

The fact the 50 Cent has a cologne called “Power” and not “50 Scent” is one of the more upsetting things I learned today and that’s saying a lot

Elon is giving us a free masterclass in how to build up and then immediately destroy your base in realtime and I think that’s kind of beautiful 💕

Whoever designed the UX for Yelp needs to go to jail immediately

90% of being a woman is trying to find the balance between being too oily and too dry

Brb taking a 20mg Vyvanse and surrendering my body mind and soul to the Round Rock IKEA for 3 hours, don’t call or txt ❤️

A CNN news notification : The convicted killer crab walked between two walls and pushed through the newly installed razor wire to break out of prison, authorities say

*crab-walked

In my twenties I used to dream about traveling the world and falling in love, now in my thirties I dream about finding a beautiful old pocket door trapped inside one of my walls 🫣

What if we kissed at the ransacked yarn aisle of Joann Fabric ☺️🙈

The faint thumping of a synth base as an autotuned choir hauntedly grows in the distance. “I’m your number one I’m your number one”. Suddenly the thick black cloud of papal smoke turns lime green. Thousands of twinks fall to their knees and weep, for a new pope has been chosen: Charli JohnPaul XCX

New conspiracy theory that I just came up with: The reason Wendy’s is always dissing people on social media is so that when you search “Wendy’s beef” you’ll find internet beef instead of the real truth about their hamburger meat (it’s laced with ketamine)

@mcuban.bsky.social please advise

Eating Panda Express on an airplane should be considered an act of domestic terrorism

Hot take: only small businesses should be able to hold patents. Once your biz reaches a certain profit margin, your patent expires and anyone can steal it.
If we’re gonna do #capitalism let’s at least make it harder for the big guys to stay on top

If women ran the military we would’ve found Bin Laden in 20 minutes and our agents would never get doxxed bc they’d all have silly little code names that make sense to absolutely nobody but us

If you forget to show up to your ADHD assessment more than once, I feel like you shouldn’t have to take the test. You’re walking the walk. And that should be enough.

Normalize using the wrong pronouns when talking to anti-pronoun people. It’s fun to watch them run head first into their own point.

Like are they not allowed to go into the car wash ??

Why is every cybertruck the dirtiest dustiest car you’ve ever seen

Space Karen strikes again

MAGA: Drain the swamp! 🇺🇸

Also MAGA: *immediately fills swamp with angry bees, razor blades, dog poop, cyanide, fire, farts, billionaires, poison ivy*

Boomers really thought they could introduce an entire generation of children to Pocahontas then be chill when they simp out for a sleazy used car salesman who wants to strip the earth for parts so he can make a quick buck. I don’t get it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

You know a dermatologist hate to see em coming 👀

They’re probably all still on their parents health insurance…

WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS

Someone will really post a job and say “this is an incredible opportunity to do your life’s best work” and then it’s just designing software for a credit card machine 😭

Controversial take but the real winner of the Grammys this year was tear-away suits

Is there a feed for silly commentary and lighthearted quips about current events? I’d like to stay in the know but I also don’t need my fight or flight response to be activated 24/7