Krystal Chambers

In 50 years when they teach about this in history classes and future generations ask why we let a fascist gain power, I’m telling them their grandparents voted for him because of eggs.

When I say “for legal reasons this is a joke” it’s not because I’m using an outdated internet bit. It’s because if any of my stupid shitposts is taken out of context in a court of law, I am going to federal prison.

I will never understand why these billionaires don’t just shut up and lay low but instead they do antagonizing interviews. The sword of Damocles is hanging over their heads and they are batting at it like a cat toy.

I have lost control of the situation.

But WHO are the pipers piping?

I bet if CEOs keep getting targeted we will get common sense gun laws pretty quickly.

For the record, I am trying my best not to.

I love vintage clothing. There’s something about a piece surviving for decades, worn by multiple people, cared for and treasured, only for me to spill pizza sauce on it the first time I wear it.

How many crafting mishaps will it take for me to learn that glitter is a life sentence?

Gosh, all this stuff coming out about Matt Gaetz that already came out three years ago is really damning.

If only we knew what we already knew three years ago.

I get that it’s incredibly annoying to Irish people to hear that anyone with any white European heritage in North America, is “part Irish”

But I do wonder if there’s any pride at all in the implication that the makes the Irish diaspora some of the most sexually prolific people in history

The hoax that Stephen King called Elon the First Lady is hilarious but we all know the new First Lady is Vladimir Putin.

I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.

Update: it died but I still have great hair 💁🏼‍♀️

@lizzobeeating.bsky.social welcome angel!! Now it’s a party!

All the tabloid articles about celeb plastic surgery are so boring. It’s always weight loss procedures and fillers. I wanna see a headline about a Kardashian getting those fembot nipple guns from Austin Powers.

I just planted some shampoo ginger in my yard so when society breaks down I will still have great hair.

I don’t know why folks are so eager to set up a meta monopoly.

Believe in yourself like Facebook believes in werewolf erotica.

The Supreme Court has decided student loans won’t be forgiven, and you, personally, won’t be forgiven either. You know why

The Supreme Court jesters are at it again.

I've now been to three movies where a man has scoffed at the Barbie trailer as being "the craziest thing ever" as if I haven't been watching trailers for guys action figures' movies my entire life.

All these gold and copper leaf flakes on my bedspread are because I’m romanticizing my living space and definitely not because I’m doing crafts in bed.

hi

The fact that holy water exists means that all other water is technically unholy. I consume the unholy water. I Bathe in it. Dive into its depths.

I hung a curtain rod today all by myself and I’m excited to start my metamorphosis into a Lowe’s lesbian.

This strange cat seems to have taken up residence in my garden and I think it’s the cat distribution system.

I feel like I’m in a secret society of shitposters. I’m home, boys!