Néide

protip if your fellow band member has been imprinted on by a stranger and keeps trying to bring you into the conversation it's probably because they Don't Want To Be In That Conversation and would like some backup kicking the random person off the Literal Stage, Come On, What Is This Shit

also i am notably WAY more drained and migrainey today than i would have expected to be after a gig of that length. probably because i couldn't rest or drink water or look after myself due to being cornered by a stranger the entire night 🙃

i like getting paid to play music but i don't like the part where random people climb onto the stage to sit next to me and talk to me all evening and then try to add me on social media. i am literally working. would you do this to a waiter

people on bluesky LOVE to reply to your posts with apparent non-sequiturs and you're left frowning at it trying to work out what they misinterpreted that led them to think that was a relevant anecdote to provide

a screenshot from the game Scriptorium showing a cropped view of a manuscript folio with a blue and white wavy border. There's a large red initial Q over a blue background, decorated with the same white wavy design as the border. it starts the text "Quant de lais faire m'entremet, ne voil ublier Bisclaveret." under the text is an illustration of a king in a blue tunic holding hands with a wolf in front of a curtain, flanked on either side by vines.

messing around in the Scriptorium playtest instead of working on my Bisclavret chapter. surely this counts as scholarship somehow

the class is only like 11 people so this is a pretty big proportion of it. two people left partway through the afternoon yesterday and i don't know if they'll be back today so i may have just lost the two least annoying people in the class

is there anything worse in a classroom situation than 4-5 people who a) think they know more than the teacher and b) need to be right all the time

generally in most life situations i am not a huge fan of hierarchies but frankly i think the class i am currently in could do with a stronger teacher-student hierarchy so the other students stop completely derailing the class and i can actually learn what i'm here to learn

okay well the sports massage didn't *fix* the headache but on the plus side i think it hurts less to move my jaw than it did before and maybe also my neck hurts less so it's possible this will eventually filter through to improved head function

oof that does sound like it would get grating fast

there are a few people on here that I find myself irritated by to a disproportionate extent considering i don't, for the most part, *disagree* with their takes... but the certainty of the assertions with limited nuance rubs me up the wrong way

in fact i feel the more you know about any given topic the more reluctant you tend to be to give a concrete answer because the answer is usually It Depends or maybe It's More Complicated Than That

i feel like the difference between historians on the internet and history enthusiasts on the internet is the latter will present you with Facts They've Learned, As Facts, and the former will give you a lengthy explanation of what people for the last however many years have thought might be the case.

taking a gamble and booking a last minute sports massage for this evening. sometimes this makes it worse but occasionally it fixes it so if I'm lucky this will be one of the latter type and frankly. i am desperate. i will take anything really at this point.

i have shit to DO and i cannot do it while it feels like somebody is compressing my fucking skull

NOTHING HELPS. painkillers don't help, even codeine. muscle roller and self-massage of my neck doesn't help. changing pillows doesn't help. going to bed early doesn't help. eye drops don't help. it ranges from "uncomfortable" to "unbearable" in severity but it never goes away and i'm going insane

what if. the terrible headache that keeps tipping into migraine territory that i've had for at least two weeks and probably longer. went away

wouldn't that be nice

indeed. and then the parts that have a reasonable number of people are desolate wastelands when it comes to shops/amenities (e.g. kings hedges, orchard park). chesterton is pretty good, it's just far enough out to be pleasant and just central enough to have some actual amenities.

(i still don't like london, it's way too big for me and the physical demands of getting around those kinds of distances are too much for my health, but cambridge and also york have the opposite problem where their small size, although convenient, makes crowds suffocating.)

london has the advantage of size, so for every tourist-choked street that you can't move on, there are a thousand others. (i was on charing cross road yesterday and it Sucked but it's an outlier, not default.) but avoiding central cambridge as i usually do means avoiding 80% of the city's shops :(

i think in most cases when i've been confronted in public toilets i was being read as a teenage boy rather than as a trans woman (i look younger than i am, i am not at all a teenager) but the result and motivation was the same: deemed male and a threat for being inadequately feminine

this is probably true in many contexts but i have been stared at, questioned, and otherwise bothered in women's toilets for 10+ years as someone who is five foot four. including before i'd transitioned at all and when i still had fairly big tits. just because i had short hair and a fairly square jaw

i've been travelling for nearly three hours in a mask having STARTED the journey with a migraine so you can imagine how good a time i'm having

bad.

apparently a train lost power at blackfriars and blocked a junction so the thameslink is particularly fucked but it seems to be having a knock on effect. northern line is actually slightly cooler than outside but i wouldn't consider that a glowing recommendation

if you were considering trains through london today... do not trains

it's like how adhd meds can be lifesaving because they make for safer drivers and fewer impulsive decisions and more stable employment and better day to day health decisions and so on and so forth – loads of knock on impacts that look different for everyone but are all crucial

i sometimes felt like i had to pretend i was suicidal if i wanted to access care because if i wasn't then clearly i didn't want it enough and therefore wasn't really trans. but just because that wasn't an immediate threat for me doesn't mean healthcare wasn't crucial to my safety + health

trans healthcare is often lifesaving for more reasons than suicidality. for example, my disordered eating basically disappeared overnight after i got top surgery, because it was dysphoria the whole time (lose weight = smaller boobs = pursue indefinitely until it becomes unsafe). this is important!

seems not implausible to me based on my experiences ten years ago

fwiw, basically everyone i know who went to newnham turned out to be trans

i was not designed to be normal about medieval literature, i was designed to write unhinged fanfic about it and when i'm not doing that i am not Fulfilling My Destiny