Nichola

Once we’d compromised on tattoo chokers and dark brown corduroy this was inevitable.

Although I may be biased because I swap despite being right-handed - why would you have the utensil that requires a smaller range of motion (the knife) in your less dextrous (aware of the linguistic irony) non-dominant hand? I do always swap back when I put them down at restaurant though.

It used to be an Americanism but is now ubiquitous. It’s unbearably twee and I rage every time I see it. People are no less dead for refusing to use the word “died”.

If you notice what hand they’re holding the utensils in you’re already damned by a lack of sparking conversation.

Every year you do this to me

Fair enough! I quite enjoyed it for all that.

What didn’t you like about it? I thought it was pretty decent, if a little like flicking through a book of Big Life Lessons For Little Philosophers. But it is Frankenstein via Guillermo del Toro, so wasn’t really expecting subtlety.

That particular one has been on about it for ages. Despite repeated attempts to free my algorithm, he pops up constantly.

Joe Marler vs Gravity <3 #CelebrityTraitors

You know what, they absolutely deserved that result. #CelebrityTraitors

Less “stabbed in the back” than “thumped in the head by the club of stupidity” #JoeMarler #CelebrityTraitors

WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM?????? #CelebrityTraitors

Alan Carr is the inverse of Stephen Fry - he’s so unserious that he can literally burst into giggles when asked “Are you a faithful?” and no one believes him. #CelebrityTraitors

Thank you for attending this session of “Nichola Uses The Internet As A Diary”.

Mind you, last year Dobbies nearly murdered me with a “Christmas roll”, which was one of the single most revolting thing I’ve ever eaten, so I should’ve known to steer clear. But the bromeliads are pupping and I needed pots.

Pretty sure playing The Pogues in a garden centre in November is some sort of hate crime.

To be fair, deploying Shakespeare on an actor was the most excellent move. #CelebrityTraitors

A nation rejoices #CelebrityTraitors

Also Nick Mohammed is amazing and I adore him. There’s a dukedom going spare, just saying. #CelebrityTraitors

Alan and Kate on the bridge is weirdly wholesome??? #CelebrityTraitors

Jonathan now has the air of a man who wants to head home after breakfast because his to do list is backing up #CelebrityTraitors

Aaah I see it’s Double Entendre and Stress week on #BakeOff

Harlan Coben is to thrillers what Julian Fellowes is to historical drama.

If you’ve only ever read two authors writing about the same thing*, one inevitably resembles the other.

* And my point here is that the vast majority of people have probably not read heaps of gritty spy fiction.

I’m slightly projecting - I had a haircut yesterday and my stylist is the only person I’m not married to that I’ve spoken to in person this week.

Well he evidently didn’t want to do it by himself, so at least partly that sort of place, surely?

Going to a barber/ salon is only partly about a haircut for quite a lot of people.

I lived very near his family home in Chiswick for a couple of years, and it’s very hard not to develop a fascination.

The absolute idiocy of “we should be better than this” - basing all strategy on the need for being seen to do something on the basis of zero evidence is so SILLY. #CelebrityTraitors

I hope they vote out Claudia and take over the castle