Mike from here

I tried Draft Kings the other day but found out I might be more of a Draft Peasant

“McDonald’s sold me a dream” Why one man is suing mcdonalds after eating 900 chicken nuggets in 8 days in promise of monopoly riches, but all he gained was 15 pounds and chronic heartburn

My fear of heights is probably only surpassed by my claustrophobia. I need a medium amount of space in all directions

How were there enough flies getting into ointments that “fly in the ointment” became a thing? I’ve never had any fly get into any of my ointments

I’m just a slop bowl boy living in a slop bowl world

Officially announcing my retirement from Wordle tonight. I don’t work there or anything I’m just no longer doing the puzzles because my thumbs are too big for the keyboard and it’s been slowly driving me insane. I’m not taking questions at this time thank you so much

I’m getting sick from work related stress which makes me worse at work which increases my work related stress which makes me more sick which makes me worse at work which increases my work related stress which makes me more sick which makes me worse at wo

Good day to stand up for our constitutional rights and liberties as people!!! #nokings

Science is just silence with an extra C. And no L. So pretty different actually

March madness is actually the March regularness now compared to the onslaught of constant shit hitting the fan every single day and every waking moment of our lives from now until the inevitable collapse of the global economy in a year or two

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s absolutely insane what they’re doing to 5’9” guys on Love is blind

I hate warming up the car it's so much work to cover it with all those thick heavy blankets

Proud to announce I’m launching a new AI personal assistant it’s called going outside into the world and communicating with the people around you

Ok I guess it’s the Gulf of America now! We can rename anything at any time. I’ll be filing my taxes as Pogsworth Bottleswithin. Or maybe Riptube McGulloch. Only time will tell how I’m feeling during turbotax submission

You ever go on Facebook marketplace just to see what’s out there? I saw a box of Frosted Flakes the other day

Elon musk sounds like something you spray on a car to stop rhinoceroses from mating with it

Wish I could be there Timmo the design is unreal! Send K Moon and the Loves crew my best

For twelve years they teach you about atoms and protons, equations you’ll never use but not once do they mention how putting on socks is gonna become the hardest part of your day around the age of 31-32

This is an urgent message for all politicians, ceos, anyone in a position of power: there is a tigers jaw album with a pizza on the cover. Eat an edible and listen to it once through. We are big bags of meat on a flying rock. No one life is worth more than another. Acknowledge humans instead of AI

Saw them in AC at the Borgata in 2017 when they debuted Run For Cover for the first time. Life has never been the same since

One rizzler, under God 🫡

Patriots banned from Bluesky until they can win more than 4 games in a season, according to sources very familiar with the matter

What if Ross Ulbricht creates a silk road 2 and it's a marketplace for something more criminal than drugs or murder for hire...

Liquid Death. It’s literally canned water

I know our country might be a bit of a trainwreck right now, but I'd still rather live in America than in Groopenburgvia, a fake country I just made up where the atmosphere is hot lava and the food is made of bees

Hello Bluesky! Names Mike I’m very happy to be here I previously spent all my time mowing the beach. That’s right the only reason the beach doesn’t have grass is because I mowed all of it, all the time. I mowed the beach. And I realize the skill set does not overlap so this could go either way