Matt

Beaded bracelets reading "Gandalf" and "Balrog" with character charms.

me and who? Gandalf & Balrog friendship bracelets. Hot Topic.

The admin assistant in my office took a job in a different office at the same workplace, but she still had to clean out her desk, and I was very proud of her that she left carrying the iconic and visually mandatory "just got fired" cardboard box full of personal items.

CUSTOMER: What's the wifi?

MY STARKVILLE, MS BARBER: it's "Go To Hell Ole Miss," password "OleMissSucks"

This is why this guy makes money off $15 haircuts, that kind of deep understanding of his customers' spoken and unspoken needs.

Also, ALSO, "digitized" doesn't mean accessible. There's one very specific digitized collection of papers that I'd love to use. It costs thousands of dollars via an institutional subscription ONLY, and my library ain't buying. If I ever see them, it'll be in the flesh (which will be cheaper anyway).

It's crazy the number of times watching the Scotties you hear stuff like "these two competing skips have a long history, they both work at the same Calgary middle school" or "I like this team to win but I'm related to like three of them by marriage so I might be biased."

The beer money goes further when you're already woozy!

I did this in grad school for beer money. It was a legitimately fascinating experience to see my blood removed, centrifuged, and then stuck back into me (platelets only) right before my eyes. Everyone who can should do it once!

But as macroeconomic indicators go this is, uh, not great.

[rubs hands evilly]

good. goooooooooood.

ME [chanting]: old guy, old guy

OTHER CURLERS: Old guy! Old guy!

SKIP [pounding broom] OLD GUY! OLD GUY!

Worried for your safety, or worried you were going to mug her? I mean the temptation to go full I'M WALKIN' HEAH must have been immense.

I knew a man who died of Alzheimer's. As the disease advanced, in lucid moments he expressed regret that he hadn't died of the cancer he'd beaten years before.

Pretty grim sentiments, but I understand what he meant. Anyway, let's ban cancer treatment, I guess is the logic of this lawsuit.

the cover of the DVD set of "Moonlighting" seasons 1 and 2, with Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd looking young and sexy, except the title has been changed to "Polyworking"

Radagast did all the Istari Department service work and received zero credit or acknowledgement from the department chair (Saruman) and the superstar prof (Gandalf). And he did it all without the magic rings that those two had (although Saruman's was self-published, LOL).

Literal nazi shit.

I used to have a blog and one of its running gags was the "Right-Wing Dog Injury Counter" which reset every time a conservative injured or killed a dog AS A DIRECT CONSEQUENCE OF THEIR IDEOLOGY.

It reset CONSTANTLY.

Effective college teaching is indistinguishable from any other kind of professional stagecraft. Change my mind! [jazz hands]

I say we launch Sam Darnold into space so he can be both.

C'mon, he's earned it.

Initially credible reports of a scary monster in the dark were revealed on closer inspection to be the shadow cast by a coat rack.

Precautionary sweeps of the area under the bed will continue for the next few nights.

Of course it has.

I've been a vegetarian since I was a teenager. The money I saved not eating four rotisserie chickens a day at $8 a pop for the last 35 years is why I own my own house!

For more brilliant financial insights like this, please hire me to write for the Wall Street Journal.

Shout out to this combination of my guilty pleasure (Amtrak) and my completely unproblematic pleasure (the poetry of Nael, age 6)

Occupy Democrats post: "BREAKING: Kash Patel was just busted LYING TO CONGRESS in order to protect pedophiles! Rep. Thomas Massie and Rep. Ro Khanna have successfully been able to view a slew of unredacted Epstein files, and they discovered that Trump’s disgraced and wildly incompetent FBI Director Kash Patel has been lying to Congess, under oath, in order to protect the other rich and powerful men who played major roles in the Epstein sex-trafficking ring. Thanks to pressure from Massie and Khanna, the DOJ reluctantly unredacted an FBI report naming Jewish billionaire Les Wexner, owner of Victoria’s Secret and notorious Epstein associate, as one of the co-conspirators in the sex-trafficking ring. “This is significant because Kash Patel testified to Congress that FBI had no evidence of other sex traffickers. This is FBI’s own 2019 document listing Wexner as a coconspirator in child sex trafficking. It wasn’t unredacted until tonight,” said Khanna’s partner-in-justice, Rep. Thomas Massie, on Twitter on February 10th. The two spent two hours on February 9th examining unredacted Epstein files and were shocked at what they saw. “Most of the unredacted files were redacted—70 to 80 percent. Massie and I saw that there were six men who were co‑conspirators and were being protected. Those names need to be made public. " "There’s no excuse for releasing survivors’ names while protecting these six men. There are probably more. In just two hours, we saw that these six men were being protected.” Kash Patel’s FBI is actively engaged in a cover-up on behalf of serial pedophiles and must be fired immediately — and held accountable for his own role in protecting pedophiles."

I have to say, I do not love this new trend of large liberal accounts with millions of followers identifying Jews.

Incidentally, this is the kind of brave truth-telling American audiences get misty-eyed over when it's a brave dissident from the Soviet bloc or some backwards monarchy or whatever, AND THEY ARE COMPLETELY CORRECT TO FEEL THAT WAY.

This is the second time an ICE employee has been arrested in in a Bloomington, MN underage sex trafficking sting www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/ne...

“But without Leon Botstein, Bard won’t exist anymore.” Oh no, then where would the protagonist teach in a Brooklyn millennial’s realist divorce novel?

Seems like a great time for the government to be wall-to-wall with the message 'if you see a masked, armed goon with no visible identification pushing a grandmother into an unmarked van DO NOT INTERVENE OR PHOTOGRAPH THEM'

I can't explain why but this is extremely bronze medal-coded.

RETVRN to when aerospace companies also had divisions that made phonograph needles and specialty liniments