Spen

You know the fucked up part? My brain keeps randomly obsessing over my stuff in Sydney, while I’m in Perth.

I don’t want to think about my Sydney stuff, I want to think about how much of an amazing time I’m having in Perth

You know what’s funny? I feel so fucking more supported on the other side of the country than I do at “home”
Perth is amazing, I don’t know many people here but I’ve been having the best time with the people I do know and have met.

I want to leave Sydney. I want to move to Perth.

I’m fucking done with literally everyone.

Legitimately the only thing that has kept me going for this long? The most amazing festival I’m going to in a week, that I’m really looking forward to going to. That’s it. That’s all I have. A festival that will be amazing. Then I have to try and survive another two weeks to see my psychiatrist.

I can’t wait until I can turn off my phone in a week. Nobody’s going to hear shit. I’m fucking waiting until I can be distant as I possibly can.

Almost a year of the most severe burnout and depression I’ve faced in 9 years? Yeah seems totally cool and fine right? Seems like I’ll be totally okay. Clearly.

The answer? Fucking awful and lonely, and I also desperately need to be alone. I’m not doing fucking favours anymore. I’m not fucking helping anyone. I have less than zero capacity and have for MONTHS and it’s continued to decline

Sure a few people have checked in on me, see how I’m doing, but it’s felt so isolating, so lonely, nobody cares to understand what’s actually going on inside my brain. Nobody wants to think about that do they? Nobody wants to take a few seconds out of their day to ask how I’m doing

I’ve been struggling for MONTHS and it feels like nobody has given a shit, I’ve been struggling consistently for almost a year. April last year.

But I’m not going to go out of my way for anyone anymore. I’m not fucking trying. You want me around? Fucking prove it

Fucking love that when I’m very visibly struggling, telling people what’s going on. They don’t give a fuck. But yet when I’m distant, they seem to care. Give me a week and a bit and I’m fucking going as distant as I can. I don’t care if people check in and see how I’m going

Fuck everything.

It doesn’t feel like my thoughts or feelings matter anyway.

What’s the fucking point.

I’m fucking done.

Feeling so unwanted, fucking sucks. My RSD is so incredibly high and has been for a while, and it somehow keeps getting higher. I just want to feel fucking wanted.

Went for a mental health (st)roll on my way home, a bit of a detour but absolutely worth it

Like, I can’t explain how awful I’m doing without going into explicit details, I’m really hoping I feel different soon. I’m hoping my mental health improves, even just a bit. I have therapy today, I’m hoping to improve, even by 0.00000001%, I just, want to feel better than this.

CW- suicidal ideation, mental health deterioration, disability deterioration

Did my first WHODAS 2.0 in a few months today, realised how much I’ve been deteriorating. I’m really not doing well and feel so fucking alone, like I have nobody who understands anything I’m going through. I feel horrible.

If I wasn't already there, nothing would put me on team "Men ain't shit" faster than working in the airport and counting how many men are comfortable just casually abandoning their partners.

This is the only platform I will be trauma dumping on, I hope y’all are ready

I’m so incredibly fucking done.

I don’t know how much more I can take. Everything is awful, literally nothing feels good anymore.

I fuck everything up, regardless of what it is.

I just want to feel not like this, everything is painful.

I feel horrible, constantly.

There’s nothing I can do

I’m so fucking done with this year, everything feels fucking horrible and all I keep doing is fucking every single thing that I do up. Something always goes wrong. I just want a fucking break for once in my life and I can’t have it no matter how hard I try. I’m just so fucking done.

Weird Al Yankovic Covers Killing In The Name by Rage Against the Machine At a recent Portugal. The Man concert in NYC, Weird Al joined the band on stage for a pair of songs, including a cover of Killin

👁️👄👁️

One of the main problems with non-disabled actors portraying disabled characters is that they are often basing that portrayal on preconceived stereotypes and reducing the complexity of the disabled experience to a caricature.

Possibly the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me. Healing sometimes means opening old wounds but I really hate this one, especially when I’m just trying to sleep

Having PTSD flashbacks are awful. I’m currently trying to make sure that I’m not making one specific event worse than it already was, which was awful and one of the most traumatic things that have ever happened to me and right now I’m trying to not re traumatise myself because it was absolutely

I just want to know why my body feels like this, but it’s hard. I have some support but I don’t have answers. Also how am I supposed to go and walk and find the “right amount of walking” when I don’t have the capacity to go outside. How am I supposed to get into a pool when I can’t swim

Be able to do the things that my rheumatologist wants me to do, like trying specific medications, like walking, like practically doing physio water therapy, but it’s so hard. I can’t even DO these things without support, or without a confirmed diagnosis

As a chronically ill person who doesn’t have many confirmed diagnoses yet, I just want to get my answers. I want to know why I’m in pain, why my skin has an “altered sensation” I just want answers to everything. These answers are so fucking hard to get. For me to get a confirmed diagnosis I need to

Why does this meatsack keep insisting I feed it