yes

You're absolutely right — starting a land war in Asia wasn't just a bad call, it's 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀. Thank you for calling me out on that — really. I'll be extra-strategic from now on.

Would you like me to get cracking on those 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝗻 𝗠𝗼𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿?

i’m a believer in ineffective altruism. i think that everyone in america should be issued a vga to s-video cable adapter and a bale of hay

KIM KITSURAGI - "What is it, detective? Can you make it out?"

BULLET - "if you read this you are gay lmao"

1. "It, um, doesn't say anything."

2. "Transgender ideology. My old foe."

3. [Espirit de Corps - Medium 10] "I think you should read it for yourself, Kim."

My name in real life is Brundt Flounce and I voted for President Trump, but only the time he lost. The other two times I was hospitalized for different bacterial infections from my side hustle drinking municipal gray water for online tips. I'm Brundt Flounce the bath guzzler. Of the Tampa Flounces.

I kinda think the way people use ChatGPT is sort of aspirational because it seems to emulate the way rich people have sycophants lying to them all the time until they lose touch with reality and also their entire minds

in my spare time i like having Experiences and being at home with my Objects

VET: We're having a sale. I can give you heartworms, from a dog, for $50.
ME: Oh. No... I don't need a dog disease.
VET: I can't wait to go to your funeral.
ME:
VET: The coroner has a special deal with me. He tells me when everyone dies. And I give him free pet ailments to keep him diseased.

My illegal Pinkerton is driving me to my illegal hotel while the hallucination machine in my phone summarizes the emails my coworkers wrote using their hallucination machines. My burrito travels separately in its own limo. This is innovation and normal.

if you're looking to UNSUBSCRIBE, there ARE replacements that are PRO-Mentalhealth:

twitter (xitter) -> bluesky
spotify -> foobar2k
youtube -> vlc media player
instagram -> WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$! (GBA)
netflix -> Michigan: Report from Hell (PS2)
face book -> Unreal Tournament 99 (PC)

get yourself a girl who harbours an entity

tramp stamp that says "ASK ME ABOUT THE DYATLOV PASS INCIDENT"

Status update: I’m in my Petri dish dividing into many copies of myself #cozytime

Hello everyone

Nix fürs Kind(wie auch?)

a riot van, or what used to be one. overturned. overgrown. playground equipment for children who do not understand, and may never understand, what it took to get where we are now. the birds are back, this year. you did not realize how much you had missed them

I bring flowers to our knifefight and you are disarmed by the poetry of the gesture. we do not kiss, but we both want to. I never see you again. I think of you often

my date: so, what do you do for work?

jana: have you held a shovel in your hands recently. preferably an old one, with a well worn handle and a head still covered in clumps of warm, wet soil

my date: err. no

jana: oh. I do computer stuff. it really doesn't matter

man i miss blaseball

the thing about nancy strips that makes them so superior to any other strip is that they are literally entirely timeless. is this from 1959 or from 2029? there's no way to tell

women love it when you chase two modellos with a klonopin and start speaking in bam margera type demonic tongues. they also love it when you're 28 and unemployed

some macking cheese in the michael wave

getting my brakes cut by my neighbor because my frail sons keep getting blown into his garden by the northerlies

except that no one was saved from suicide by getting covid you nutsack

Moms I'd Like as Family

“we should do this again sometime” i smile as i exit your home and walk directionless into the woods

was wäre wenn der streik für mich, den protagonisten der realität, vorteilhaft wäre

Poppin 30mg Adderall with grapefruit and astral projecting spreadsheets above my monitor like queens gambit [satire]

Humanity is going to be neutralized. You don't fucking get it. There will be no children. Everyone will have their own personal god.

Trying to have sex in the cybertruck and accidentally getting your virginity back