Villein 🔒

a good post should either a) require a google search to understand or b) be missing some crucial piece of information that would make it make sense

i didn't get through the orientation yet

burning the candle at one end is easy for me

panic-tweeting dozens of self-pitying drafts just in case i feel normal tomorrow

gen x recipe: boil hose water. burn yourself with it as needed

that's a church pew

killer work

10 shameful struggle meals to destroy your beloved rice cooker

adding liquid iv to the leftover pasta water #degrowth

(bank teller) sir do you need any help?
(me, inserting a dunkins gift card into the atm for the fifth time) no.

lmao

ooouuurghhh

they're hiring me at the wall factory as a starer

working late tonight isabelle adjani possession gif

standing outside santa's village demanding to see the nice list

something must be done

wow...

they're selling kratom and european zyn flavors at the circle k right next to the dubai chocolate and bootleg chudler figurines 🤦‍♂️

feel like white walter the way i'm badly breaking

one cup of green tea: one more and that's it

seven cups of green tea: (communicating entirely via meaningful silence)

sick

i'm not watching a three minute video "until the end." i'm typing my social security number into an app called virtual dowsing rod

there's still a department head weekly check-in meeting between me and a bowl of soup

(bragging) i'm the world's rarest! 😊(under my breath) and the most isolated... 😔

scientists are working on inventing five more minutes

sipping from a chalice of mulled tree stand water

i'll need new business cards

what did they name me

hoping i've at least become a structuring absence in the timelines of my mutuals who've had me muted for six months

referring to the laptop in my 300 square foot studio apartment that only works if it's plugged in as the family computer