Sammi Lanzetta

if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my DMs

Please know if you’re someone’s terrible boyfriend I’m out grilling you harder than you could possibly imagine to them. Like “stay tf away from Machine Gun Gregory”

Just a thing I am writing TikTok video by Sammi Lanzetta

www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMk34XmA/ should it go on the album

Sometimes I feel like flirting keeps me alive

Having fun at the baby shower

A brutal reality 🙇‍♀️

wrote the lyrics "she's more adjusted than me because shes writing horror and I'm writing comedy" in earnest this morning

Met my guardian angel at a show in the LES tonight (passed me his bottle of poppers because he sensed my good vibes)

WE WORKED VERY HARD ON THIS AMY WINEHOUSE COVER BAND, OUR BARITONE SAX IS COOKING, THE BAND IS HOT!! COME THROUGH BROOKLYN !!1!!!!!!1

a close up of a man 's face with his eyes closed and a beard . ALT: a close up of a man 's face with his eyes closed and a beard .

when my friends tell me that whatever terrible job/circumstance we met under made it all worth it since we get to know each other

*I'm a fool to do your dirty work comes on at a party and I'm about to bother everyone around me voice* haha do you want to hear a FUN FACT about ME and my LOWER BACK

Many such cases

It works and is make my ass huge you’re welcome America

at every show I play I'm just going to start doing a fake "everyone please welcome zohran mamdani to the stage" until he feels pressured into coming to a sammi lanzetta rock and roll concert

I love my coworkers, I love my friends, I love my apartment, I love my dog, I love my band, I hate my script, I love m

they should've emphasized how humiliating screenwriting is when i took those 2 classes in it

coworker walked in and said "dont you wish we were smoking cigarettes inside" ... like... yes

this guy asking me out on a date strictly because we share a common enemy... like sure what the hell

kevin garvey cutting himself open to the beach boys

Thinking about the time that drake bell told me verbatim “if there were a rapture? I wouldn’t be here right now”

We play in Bushwick on 10/30 TikTok video by Sammi Lanzetta

www.tiktok.com/@sammilanzet... no one understands the dopamine entering my brain via baritone sax right now

a close up of a dog 's face with its eyes closed and looking at the camera . ALT: a close up of a dog 's face with its eyes closed and looking at the camera .

i just finished the leftovers

thinking about how my new best friends (their words not mine) convinced me to go to manhattan to see their play without even mentioning there was a puppet BAGEL involved

Um. Nothing can hurt me on this day where I am feeling loved by my friends

It’s giving yeehaw

I feel like banditting the nyc marathon who knows how much longer we have on this planet even fuck it

When your therapist is like what keeps you up at night and it’s like what keeps me up at night??? What keeps me up?? everyone hates the Orbitor 1 pinball table because they don’t know it was made by NASA space toilet designers or care it’s the only machine where the ball rolls on a 3D playfield

with the miracle of modern medicine, my script is less passionate perhaps, but far more coherent

I love having friends that work in and like music/art but aren’t clout chasers like thank you beautiful angels that fly under the radar and ask me about my letterboxd at the bar