Matthew D’Ambrosio, esq.

Friend: Was Ozzy Osbourne Jewish?

Me: Well, what he did to that bat was no mitzvah I’ll tell you what.

*group chat standing ovation*

At the risk of sounding corny, hope really is a practice. I’m as much of a cynical depresso as the next person. The reason why I find doomerism so toxic is that it forecloses the possibility of a better future. The devils want us to fall into despair.

Just want to say out loud that the time for doing petitions has well and truly passed and I think we should do whatever Magneto's plans were in the X-Men movie and start turning politicians into goo or something.

scene from Porco Rosso; a man in a blue uniform sits next to an anthropomorphic pig in a trenchcoat, sunglasses, and hat; the pig is saying "I'd rather be a pig than a fascist."

Seeing a lot of genAI art used in the service of fascism lately

People keep saying “the point of all this stuff is psychological warfare” but like I’m pretty sure the point is to do all the things they intend to do as fast as possible like their website said they would do

shop window of Sleepy Cat Books, f with a sleepy cat sitting there front and center

respect truth in advertising

Nancy Pelosi campaigned AGAINST AOC in favor of Connolly for this position.

It’s not incompetence, it’s open hostility. Having no strategy is a decision.

pubs should serve miso soup, as an alcohol-free drink option

I have seen this movie so many times it’s potentially unhealthy.

My horny ass could not have her clean my apartment

A fun thing you can do is pop onto Zillow, look at all rentals in a random chunk of the greater LA area, sort by recently changed, then check every price increase to see if it was more than 10%. If there's no obvious changes (didn't go from unfurnished to furnished) then report it for price gouging.

Calling into work gay

PSA to my friends in California near the fires: breathing in wildfire smoke is really bad for you (even if it’s not super thick where you are) but if you have face masks (N95, KN95, etc) those can help a lot

sending this to everyone who texts me for an update

Dealing with unimaginable anxiety being so far from LA right now so focusing on what I can control. So I put up these little things and watching them slowly spin is very comforting!!

Los Angeles, you can download an app called Watch Duty to keep abreast of the fire situation. It'll keep you updated and send you alerts. Stay safe out there. It's apocalyptic.

Try to make it through life without ever been hated as much as Rudy Giuliani is by a courtroom sketch artist.

This is so unbelievably cruel it makes me physically ill.

yeah see we were trying to tell people this before the election pete

it's just buying more dish soap and olive oil until you die?

Thank you, Andy

Real Jamelle-heads know you’re immortal

Uh oh someone saw my suitcases come out of the closet and is now giving me the look

THE JK.K. TOLKIEN CALENDAR 1974 Tolkien lying under a tree.

You got that photo for the JRR Tolkien Calendar 1974?

Sure boss, real sexy like you wanted.

Normally when someone spends $2 million a year to stay young I’d say “eat the rich” but I can guarantee this guy tastes absolutely rancid

Picture of a page from a Mo Willems children’s story Elephant and Piggie, wherein piggie is offering Elephant a bowl of green goo with flies buzzing around it while yelling “Do you want to try my slop?” - Elephant does not look excited

every tech company in 2025

I cant believe you would deny me, an ITALIAN, the blessed panettone of my forebears.

I’m on my way over