Xzigalia

This hit me right in the oof.

You would like Surprised Eel Historian.

They all know Amish Paradise because every single tourist tells them about it.

Depression, at least I can relax

How do I download

Beginning to suspect that mentally envisioning everything with a very shallow depth of field has less to do with aphantasia and more to do with this severe myopia.

But they would only sell one-way tickets, because everybody would decide to stay.

I am gonna be SO law abiding!!!!

So fresh!

Yes, but imagine how horrifying the post would be if not.

I lead you through my house to a back room with a small altar. You watch, bemused, as I pour water into a bowl of cornflour and touch incense to a burning taper candle. I invite you to slap the bowl of ooblek. Your hand rebounds off the surface. I nod solemnly.
"Goo works in mysterious ways."

Me (January): I must sort my clothing. I shall keep a few flattering pieces that fit so they will be clean and accessible.

Me (August): The Great Leggings Wash Of 2025

I'm right there wearing the orange skirt and bending over.

Joey is wearing the turkey pants again, but this is not explained.

Is... your toilet in your bathroom?

Because they used to clap both hands against your dick to squirt the pus out, you're welcome and I'm sorry.

Aks (ax) is a historical pronunciation variant of ask dating back to the 8th century. Over a millennium ago, it was a formal written form. Chaucer used "ax", as did the first full English Bible.
Many English words swap vowel and letter pronunciations; we just don't notice the ones we use ourselves.

We're cool with it just being us and our mates telling all the racists to STFU.

Isn't that just absurdism for depressed people?

And the top half?

You would have fallen right for the bean paste crab poison.

Caught up with my Great-Auntie Lynda at a family event over the weekend and she told me how funny I am on the internet, so all my haters can suck iiittttt

Me [watching The Incredible Journey with tears pouring down my face]: Shut the FUCK up it's ALLERGIES

[hangs head]

That could be me at any State fair.

Mate, it's been eight days. You're going to need to re-wash it now.

Literally played an undocumented alien who settled in the USA unlawfully.

Curses foiled again.

Titanic didn't have a swimming pool.

He's right, you know.