the hype

[Trump announces that ICE agents will now wear white hoods]

New York Times: the president makes a bold fashion statement

Y'all are whining about people being mean to algorithms when you should be debating late-90s NBA shooting guards. Bro, you're thinking about the wrong AI

it's called a fleshlight because jack-o-lantern was taken

DMV Worker: Stop staring at your phone while I take your driver's license photo

Guy: But this is how I look when I drive

hell yeah!!

Mid-2000s but I'll allow it

Classic player for the Pittsburgh 85ers

Forgot that nobody on here knows anything about sporpsball

Y'all are whining about people being mean to algorithms when you should be debating late-90s NBA shooting guards. Bro, you're thinking about the wrong AI

100%

The alt text lmao

Right wing attempts to criticize anything perceived as "woke" always involve the most outlandish scenarios. They'll hear "believe women" and go "oh really? So if three crones dressed in Victorian garb say they have something nice to show me in their cabin in the woods, I should just believe them??"

If you don't stop being mean to my computer I'm calling the police

"can you pwease stop posting extremely mild jokes about taylor swift on here? they're hurting my wittle feewings"

Mac from always sunny "oh my god, that's disgusting! Where?" meme

Adult content?

“I’m strong and I want to have like fifty kids and a farm” of course you do. You’re twelve. “I don’t want to eat vegetables I think steak and French fries is the only meal” hell yeah homie you’re twelve. “Maybe if there’s crime we should just send the army” bless your heart my twelve year old buddy

It's very funny when NPR is
interviewing an expert in something and it all feels fairly normal and evenhanded and then at the end they're like "and that was Christopher Halliburton from the Center for Exploding Venezuela"

75 years ago: in the future humanity will have cured hunger and disease, and begun to explore the stars

Today: we put a demon in your phone that's gonna take your job and destroy the planet

[FBI employees at the office just trying to get through some paperwork when kash patel bursts in and announces that they're gonna be learning jiu jitsu today]

"They took the character I like off the bottle of my favorite syrup and I'm mad" I get it man, you're twelve

It's 1925. I'm leanin' against this lamppost on the lookout for dames who are lookin for trouble. I start flipping a quarter. I catch her eye. I fumble the quarter and it rolls into a sewer grate. I have lost the equivalent of thirty thousand dollars.

working on a new unified theory of american reality i'm calling "everyone is twelve now"

Me preparing for my presentation in front of the mirror: you have a PhD in physics with a focus on the properties of gases. You are an expert in your field and highly qualified

Me up on the podium in front of 300 people: it's me, dr farts, the fart doctor

Me preparing for my presentation in front of the mirror: gas is a state of matter with neither fixed volume nor fixed shape. It is a compressible form of fluid. A pure gas consists of individual atoms or molecules

Me up on the podium in front of 300 people: umm ok, so you know about farts

[kash patel doing a presentation in front of FBI employees] ok everyone, watch this [he pulls out a skateboard and tries to do a kickflip but falls on his ass and is carried out by two agents]

Nice joke you got there. Would be a real shame if someone were to... respond with a suggestion that makes it worse

No, what's that

Chill boss