Cait

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR SKINNER: We’re closing down the X-files again.

MULDER: Because I’m too close to truth!

SKINNER: No, a DOGE guy named “Big Balls” got pounded into hamburger by a pack of rowdy teens, so the president is turning you into a traffic cop.

Very much not in this context! (And he likes gold, not sparkly things.)

She’s jailed at the Stewart Detention Facility in Georgia. “It’s a facility operated by CoreCivic, a private prison contractor.”

“I've worked at CoreCivic for 32 years,” CEO Damon Hininger said during one earnings call this year, “and this is truly one of the most exciting periods of my career.”

I do love the color orange. And sparkly things.

There’s this muppet on TikTok who transcribes and then scats incredibly difficult jazz solos so well and I could not possibly love a thing more

Trump in a beige v-neck merino sweater and beige chinos.

Donald Trump Jr. wearing a USA flag sport coat. The jacket tag has been left on the sleeve.

Brendan Carr and Benny Johnson. Both wearing blue suits with tan shoes. Carr's suit is mid-blue. He has paired it with blonde shoes. Johnson is wearing a navy suit with walnut colored shoes.

Matt Braynard wearing a navy suit with a white French cuff shirt and gold colored tie. He has a giant Windsor knot and a metal sports watch.

Some of the crimes I've seen in Washington DC:

— Beige sweater with beige chinos
— Jacket sleeve tag left on
— Tan shoes with navy suits
— Giant Windsor knots (triple felony with the metal sports watch paired with dark suit and French cuffs)

These three people you’ve never heard of had a fight, and someone you follow had a friendly interaction with one of them, which is why I added him to my blocklist

One of the weirder Bluesky things is that people will make a maximalist claim and then post screenshots that do not support the claim

When I get too down, I look up.

We are at the point in this country where military personnel & law enforcement personnel & government officials need to say no to the tyrant. We are at the point in this country where Americans serving in government need to disobey his orders.

We’re well past that point.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I categorically oppose the death penalty, but I now understand why it's the traditional penalty for treason.

Day 106 of photoshopping @lastweektonight.com's John Oliver with fossils in the hopes that he saves the Paleontological Research Institution

John (H. sapiens) has found his way all the way back to the Ediacaran. He may have trouble finding someone to interview. Fronds are Charniodiscus. 🧪 #geology

CHRISTMAS

Red or green?

Someone please do the side-by-side with a friend meme but with the Phanatic

Never saw one of these. I don't think I had a single food-throwing case!

That is wild

The old world is dying, and the new world is so fucking stupid dude

mrs t's pierogi, obviously

just the plain ones tho, we don't waste the potato & onion

Again, this is all theoretical. PEOPLE READING THIS, DO NOT THROW CHILES AT COPS

You could put them in those reusable water balloons

I wish I'd come up with these

Oh booooo

An anonymous person has messaged me with the following message "if you start getting a lot more messages to the Squid Facts Hotline from California area codes: that's my fault. I'm using the Squid Facts t-shirt to chat people up in the gay leather bars of San Francisco. it's working better than I expected it to. i'm sorry." and I reply "UM. Hell. Yeah Hell. yeah." and the first um and hell yeah are in all caps and the second just the first hell in the yeah is all caps for the sake of emphasis

God I fucking love tumblr.

Metro, but apparently not long enough to encounter burrito attacks

Westlaw search "adv: battery /s burrito" returned no hits in New Mexico. Maybe the burrito attackers are not appealing their convictions? Because I am absolutely confident that New Mexicans are hucking burritos at each other.

I assume that there is already case law about battery by burrito

Albuquerque would be smothered burritos, I assume. Green chile could be painful if it hit your eyes

I was feeling depressed about how my 30s have just been The Trump Years, and then I thought about the level of upheaval in the life of anyone born from like 1900 to 1925.

Actually in DC we call it a Metro sandwich